Monday

The Best and Worst Ways to be Woken Up

Once you become a parent, sleep is as precious and elusive as an exclusive show with the cast of Magic Mike. You grab it when you can get it, for as long as you can get it.

Unfortunately, you have to wake up sometime.

Exclusive of annoying alarm clocks and wailing babies, there are pleasant ways to be awakened from your slumber and downright groan-worthy ways.



Top Ten Worst Ways To Be Woken Up:

  1. Hearing a crash from somewhere in the house.
  2. The sound of a child vomiting.
  3. A phone ringing at 3 a.m.
  4. Dogs barking, cats screeching, children arguing.
  5. Smelling smoke.
  6. A cry of, "Will you please wipe my bottom?"
  7. The aroma of your spouse's waking wind.
  8. Two words: leg cramp.
  9. The feeling of your partner's "morning glory" against your back.
  10. Sloppy wet kisses from your pet.
Top Ten Best Ways to be Woken Up:

  1. Hearing birds singing.
  2. The sound of silence.
  3. The expectation of a fun event/girls' lunch/ball game/vacation.
  4. A beautiful sunrise.
  5. The gentle pitter-patter of rain on the roof.
  6. A cry of, "Mom, Publisher's Clearinghouse is at the door!"
  7. The aroma of your favorite brew
  8. Three words: breakfast in bed.
  9. The feeling of your toddler's arms around your neck.
  10. Sloppy wet kisses from your children.

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?” 
~Ernest Hemingway

Yes, I know, Ernie.


(I'm thinking Ernest Hemingway was really a woman.)


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