Oh, and also maybe have a date with Hubby.
I'm so desperate that I might turn to celebrities for help. Fictional celebrities at that. The idea came to me when I was watching Mommy Shorts' new web show, The Mommy Show on Ulive.com. This show is so cute and so funny! Ilana invites real life celebs, like hottie Taye Diggs and funny lady Rachel Dratch into her Manhattan apartment and chats them up while her darling daughters sit by and make funny comments. They do a craft, and later Ilana times them doing a parent-related task such as trying to collapse a stroller or take the baby-proof lock off the toilet seat.
This is good stuff, people. Read how it all came about, and if you're not following Mommy Shorts, do so NOW so you can find out about the next great web shows.
So, what if we had a celebrity come to the Frog house? I thought about inviting someone cool and fun, like the hilarious duo of Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon (#mycurrentcelebobsession) or a role model like the President or Pope or someone my kids might actually learn from.
And then I thought, 'Heck no, I'd have to shower and tidy up the house and stuff. And expect good behavior from my boys.'
No, it would have to be someone fun who could occupy the boys while I steal away and get something done. Hey, I'm going to use all the free babysitting I can get - amiright?
Hmmm, Sponge Bob and Patrick? No, the boys would just end up getting all wound up and make a mess.
No, I need someone creative who won't leave a mess behind for me to clean up.
Aha! Disney's Phineas and Ferb would be perfect! They always think of something creative to do, and their mom - none the wiser - never has a mess to clean up because it magically disappears before they get caught. Brilliant!
Phineas: "Ferb, I know what we're going to do with the Frog Boys today . . ."
- Build a tree house. The boys are always asking for a tree house. But no ordinary tree house, mind you. It has to have slides and levels and spy equipment and telescopes and a t.v. and a refrigerator for snacks.
- Build the world's biggest water slide. Where this thing will go in our small, rectangular backyard is beyond me, but hey, go for it, boys.
- Build a ladder to the moon. Are we sensing a theme here? With boys it's all about building things - impossible things. Because if you can build it, it makes it real.
- Take a submarine to the depths of the ocean. This was Slim's idea. He wants to catch an elusive Goblin Shark and keep it for a pet.
- Create the coolest mini-golf course ever! I can only imagine what this thing would look like. "Okay, for this next shot, you have to hit it up to the roof, bank it off the neighbor's house, around the tree house, down the water slide, into the hole."
- Three words: Monster Truck Races. The neighbors would love us.
- Make snow and learn how to snowboard. Piles of snow in my backyard? No, I don't see them. Now let me get back to organizing my Pinterest boards.
- Build a secret sound-proof science lab. If Mom can't see it, smell it, or hear it, did it really happen?
- Build the world's biggest bouncy house. See number 2.
- Create an airplane that would take them to all the places around the world they want to see. I think that pretty much covers the rest of it.
Nope, my Pinterest Boards would finally be organized, my house would be clean, my laundry would be done, and Good God, I would enjoy a piping hot cup of coffee for a change.
And when I turn around, my backyard would be just like normal. Gotta love a day like that.
Be sure to check out the Mommy Show on Ulive to see what celebrities will be hanging out with Ilana next!