A Child's Earth Day Legacy

I will never forget Earth Day, 2009.  It started out just like any ordinary day at our house – toaster waffles for breakfast and Playhouse Disney on as a distraction.  It was promising to be a beautiful spring day, and I was packing lunches for a picnic.

One of my five-year-old twins, Joey, had seen something on t.v. about Earth Day.  Joey loved everything about the outdoors, and thought it would be a great idea for all of us to go on a picnic and help clean up the park.  He was eager to help the planet on that special day.

The morning was almost over when I realized Joey wasn’t out of bed yet.  I found it odd, given his endless energy and excitement for our impending outing, so I went to his room to investigate.

He was still in bed, and as I got closer to him, I could see that something was terribly wrong.  He had vomited on the floor next to his bed, and his body was jerking in a way I had never seen.  With shaking hands, I dialed 911.  What happened over the course of that day changed my family’s life forever.

At the hospital, a CAT scan revealed a tumor in Joey’s brain.

He was taken to surgery to biopsy the mass.  I sat with my husband and Joey’s grandparents in the hospital lobby for five hours thinking: We are supposed to be on a picnic right now.

A week later, we found out that Joey’s tumor was inoperable, a stage four beast that had been growing his entire short life.  We were told that our son would die.

When Joey was released from the hospital, we went on the picnic he had planned.  In fact, we did a lot of things that summer.  We took boat rides and went fishing.  We flew to the beach and dug our toes in the sand.   We spent weekends at the zoo.  We lay on blankets in the yard, staring up at the trees and clouds.  We simply enjoyed being outside together.

We battled cancer with Joey for almost 14 months before he died at age six on June 10, 2010.

As we approach the three-year anniversary of Joey’s death, I struggle with how to keep his memory alive among his brothers, and especially for the brother who was born a year after Joey’s passing.  We still have Joey’s pictures all over our house.  We tell “Joey stories” all the time.  Each of the boys has one of his stuffed animals.  And frequently, when we are fishing or playing outside, one of the boys will say, “Joey would have loved this.”

Indeed Joey loved nature and animals, and I’ve considered more permanent and meaningful ways to symbolize that love.  As Earth Day approaches, I’ve found several environmentally friendly ideas that would involve our whole family and help our community, which is what I’d like to think Joey would have done.

Plant a memory garden.  I love this idea.  Joey was always eager to help his dad with yard work and gardening.  One year, they grew a delightful crop of mini-pumpkins.  A memory garden could be filled with beautiful flowers and plants, or vegetables and herbs.  True to Joey’s giving spirit, it could be planted in a community space and shared.  For every birthday or special occasion he is not here to celebrate, we could plant something new and grow the garden even larger.

Plant a tree.  This seems like an obvious choice, but considering how many trees are cut down to make room for new homes and shopping areas, it is a necessary choice.  Trees shelter our wildlife, reduce water and wind erosion, and contribute to air purity.  If every family related to Joey planted just one tree, we could add twelve new trees to our community (his dad comes from a big family). 

Build a memorial bench.  For two years, we lived near the ocean.  During that time, we loved to take long walks on the boardwalk next to the beach.  Often, we would sit on the benches that lined it and look at the water.   I took me a while to realize that each of the benches was dedicated to a person who had died.  I think it is a lovely tribute, especially if the bench is placed somewhere Joey enjoyed, like the park or the beach. 

Plan a butterfly release.  Besides being beautiful to watch, butterflies are an important element in the food chain.  They are also a natural form of pest control.  A butterfly release is an environmentally friendlier option than a balloon release.  And I think Joey would have gotten a kick out of it.

Make a donation to the local Humane Society.  After Joey died, we took his piggy bank money to our city’s Humane Society.  He loved cats, but could never have one due to his dad’s allergy.  We asked that the money be used for the cats’ needs.  Last year alone, our local Humane Society saw over 18,000 dogs and cats filter through its system.  It euthanized almost 6,000 of them, mostly cats.  I’d like to think we helped at least a few of them with Joey’s money.

Donate to a wildlife conservation organization.  The Nature Conservancy and the World Wildlife Fund are among the best organizations working to protect our earth today.  The Nature Conservancy works with local communities, businesses, and individuals to protect over 100 million acres of land around the world. It helps to preserve entire wildlife communities and the rich species diversity that inhabits those lands.  The World Wildlife Fund works to protect biodiversity on a global scale. They have a threefold mission: to protect natural areas and wild populations, to minimize pollution, and to promote efficient, sustainable use of natural resources.  I’d really like to think that Joey would have worked for one of these organizations someday.

I know that no matter what we choose to do this Earth Day, we will be keeping Joey in mind.  And in keeping him in mind, we are continuing his beautiful legacy of cherishing our earth.

Subscribe to our monthly mailing list

What Does "I Love You" Mean Anyway?

The other morning, as Hubby was leaving for work, the three older boys yelled, "Love you, Dad!"

Then a little tiny 22-month-old voice parroted, "Wuv you, Dad!"

As cute as it was, I was incensed! My baby is supposed to tell me he loves me first!

I mean, c'mon, Dads get to hear "Dada" first (only because it's easier to say, right?). The least these children can do for all our hours of blood, sweat, and tears and all the times we wake in the wee hours of the night to comfort them is to tell us moms they love us before they say it to Dad.

Baby E is still little - not even two yet. I know he was just repeating what his brothers were saying. And I know there is plenty of time for him to express his undying love for me, his mom, the woman who gave birth to him.

The other night, as I was getting him dressed after his shower (cause, you know, he has to be like the big boys and shower), I did what I always do and illustrated what I was doing. "Ooo, you have cars on your jammies. Look, a green car. Vroom, vroom!"

"Mommy," Baby E broke in. "Mommy!"

"What Baby?"

"Mommy, I love you."

Oh mah gah, my heart melted, and I hugged that little toddler so tightly!

Never mind the fact that none of my other boys ever said 'I love you' that early. And especially never mind the fact that Baby E is so routine driven. Every night is the same thing: diaper, jammies, illustrate what we're doing, smell the toes to make sure they're clean (you know you do it, too), and say, "I love you so much Baby E."

If I skip a step, he lets me know - he'll pick his jammies, he'll get the diaper, he'll hold his feet in the air if I haven't smelled them yet.

And apparently that night, I didn't say 'I love you' quite quick enough.

Or maybe, he feels it, too. Maybe, I have finally raised a super sensitive, ahead of his age on every curve little man. Yep, that's gotta be it.

The next morning as I was cleaning the kitchen, Baby E had some toy cars next to his breakfast plate of bacon (Hubby's thing, not mine). I overheard him say, "I love you."

Oh, what a darling boy who worships his mom! I smiled and turned around ready to respond. Then, I saw that he had a piece of bacon in one hand and a car in the other, and he was looking at both with extreme fondness.

Oh well. Really, what does 'I love you' mean to a toddler anyway?

Let's Do More Than Smile and Cry

I'm from Nebraska - born and raised my whole life here. Most people here bleed Husker Red on fall football game days; though, the people who remember the five National Championship titles of the past get a little angry sometimes at the Huskers of the present.

But the NU Cornhusker football team did something last weekend during their spring game that is making the nation sit up and take notice. Watch this video, and I dare you not to smile and cry:





Jack Hoffman is a seven-year-old Nebraska boy who is battling brain cancer. Ironically, he was diagnosed on April 22, 2011 - just two years to the day that Joey was - when he was five years old as well.

He has had several surgeries and is still battling. His parents took him to meet his favorite Nebraska football player, Rex Burkhead, and the rest is, as they say, history.

Jack has become the team's mascot, providing inspiration when the deck seems stacked against the Huskers. The Team Jack Foundation has also been started to raise awareness for pediatric brain cancer.

Brain tumor awareness month begins May 1. Wouldn't it be great if people watching this video did more than smile and cry? Wouldn't it be great if they shared it, encouraged people to give, to be aware, to spread the news that children do not need to die from this awful disease?

There's nothing I can do to bring Joey back. And many days, I don't want to be a fighter or crusader for someone else's child.

But it's my duty to be. It's not in my nature to make huge sweeping change. But my fingers have the capacity to spread the word through my writing. To inspire people to care.

To do more than just look at a video and smile and cry.

Visit the Team Jack Foundation here.
Read Jack's Caring Bridge page here.
Visit Cure Search here.

Think about what you can do to help. And then do it.

Do more than just smile and cry.

Our Grief Makes Us Aware

picture from choosehope.com

 

I find them all over the house. Rubber bracelets bearing an anti-cancer slogan that some well-meaning person has given us.

Gray for brain tumor awareness.

Gold for pediatric cancer awareness.

Green and white from the Cure Search walks.

I scooped up a gray one off the floor the other day. My first instinct was to angrily throw it in the garbage. Instead, I held it in my hand and studied it.

From an event called “Leap-for-a-Cure,” one side bore the words “Brain Cancer Awareness.” I scoffed.

I don’t need any reminders about cancer. I’m quite aware of what brain cancer has done to this family, thankyouverylittle.

 

To continue reading this post, please go to Her View From Home . . .

 

 

 

 

 

When Your Baby Has a Birth Defect

I received a phone call from someone the other day. It seems as if my expertise is needed once again. Her son and his wife just found out that their baby will be born with a cleft lip, and she wondered if Hubby and I could give them advice.

Of course I agreed. We can tell them about which surgeons are more competent than others and what to expect from surgeries and time frames and whatnot.

After I hung up the phone, I couldn't stop thinking about this young couple, though - how they are feeling, what they are thinking, and how they are handling this news.

According to the CDC, about 3% of babies are born with some kind of birth defect. The March of Dimes reports the most common ones as heart defects, cleft lip and palate, Down Syndrome, and spina bifida.

I doubt anyone who dreams of bringing a darling baby into the world thinks that their baby will be one of that 3%. Thankfully, with advanced ultrasounds and earlier diagnosis, there are few surprises at birth these days.

Regardless, the news can be devastating. I will never forget my doctor asking me more than once if my surgical resident husband would be coming with me to my 20 week ultrasound (she knew about Slim's cleft lip at about 14 weeks). And I remember hearing them converse in "doctor speak" while I sat in stunned silence after hearing the news of his cleft lip and palate.

If I could offer advice on how to handle the news that your baby will be born with a birth defect, I would say this:

Let yourself cry. It's okay to be sad, to be mad, to feel cheated and angry. Feel the grief, take time for it. But then, move ahead. I cried for two days about Slim, but then I decided it wasn't going to do the four of us (Hubby, me, Joey, or Slim) any good if I was miserable and crying all the time.

Take a deep breath. Yes, it's happening. Your baby is in the 3%, and it can be scary. When we found out about Slim, I knew we had a hard road ahead of us, but I also knew that we could manage whatever issues his birth defect would cause.

Resist the urge to immediately Google. No good can come of this. Google convinced my friend she had cancer when all she needed was to take a good poop. You're rolling the dice when you Google, and it doesn't always come out in your favor. Your doctor will have information specific to your baby's condition and can answer any questions you have without giving you extra unnecessary information.

See any specialists or take any extra tests your doctor recommends. If the procedures align with your ethical and religious beliefs and your insurance covers them, why not? The more information you can gain about your baby's condition, the safer he - and you - will be at his birth. Plus, this will lessen the further possibility of more surprises and allows for specialists to be present if needed. Since some cleft lip and palate babies can also have heart defects, my doctor sent me to a pediatric cardiologist who performed an in-utero ultrasound of Slim's heart. Thankfully, it was fine; but the doctor was on call during his birth just in case.

Look at pictures and read information when you are ready. Don't force information on yourself before you are ready. You have up to 20 more weeks to let the idea of a special child sink in. But make yourself ready before the baby comes. Hubby found a wonderful website, Wide Smiles, which has pictures of every type of cleft lip and palate. He found a little boy who looked exactly as Slim would look, and he said to me, "When you are ready to see it, I have a picture to show you." He allowed me my own time to prepare; and when I was ready, I looked at the picture.

Communicate openly with your partner. Talk about the way you both feel, what your expectations are, what you need from each other, and make a pact to keep the communication open. Having a special needs child adds a whole other level of stress to a relationship. You need to know this. You need to work together to care for your child.

Educate and prepare your family and friends. Just because people have heard about some of these birth defects, doesn't mean they know exactly what they entail. I was really surprised when many people had no idea what cleft lip and palate is. As with any newborn, you are going to need help and want breaks. Make sure there are some people you can turn to who will know how to care for your baby's special needs. Be prepared to train your baby's caregivers.

Know that some people will be uncomfortable. Just as not everyone is comfortable holding a newborn, not everyone will be comfortable being around a child with special needs. I had a friend who was visibly uncomfortable every time she saw Slim before his lip was repaired. I understood and didn't judge her for it. Just keep in mind that some people might drift away. The presence of children has a way of weeding people out of your life, regardless of their physical condition.

Understand that this baby will make you a better parent and a better person. You CAN do this. Despite all of the challenges this child will bring into your life and all the times you will wish for things to be different, this child is wonderful and special and will make you see the world in a whole new light. And even if you think there is no way you can handle it all, you WILL do it. You will do it simply because you love your child, and that will be enough.

Finally, accept the help that is offered. Social workers will visit you in the hospital. They will give you all sorts of information and forms and applications for special assistance. If it is overwhelming, say so, and ask for help organizing it all. Many states have wonderful early intervention programs that are free and in-home. Find out what your child qualifies for and what other assistance you can receive. It's okay to take the help.

Finding out your baby will have a birth defect can be devastating, but it's not the end of the world. With information, support, knowledge, and unconditional love on your side, you will be able to care for your baby's unique needs.

Want a Free Photo Book? Thanks to Groovebook and kissing the frog, it's Easy!

If you're anything like me - and well, millions of other people - you take most of your pictures these days with your smart phone or mobile device. It's just so easy to capture life's best moments on the fly without having to lug a camera around.

 

My problem becomes how to get these pictures printed in an easy way. I am constantly sending them to myself, then downloading them from e-mail, then sending them to an online site for ordering from there.

 

But then, a solution started following me on Twitter one day. It was something called Groovebook, and just as I do any new Twitter follower, I went to check them out.

 

Let's just say after stalking them on Facebook and their website for a little while, I'm a huge fan now.

 

How does it work? Groovebook is a free app that lets you choose up to 100 photos from your camera roll to put into a beautiful 4.5" x 6.5" free photo book and mails it to you monthly.

Your photos are printed on glossy photo paper and perforated for easy removal. That means you can share, frame, decorate, scrapbook and more. All this is free - just $2.99 each month for shipping and processing!

 



What I love even more is that the date and time are stamped next to every photo, and many have the location as well. Great for an anal, left-brained person like me who spends lots of time labeling her photos. Goovebook does it for me!

 

 

And it's so easy to use! Watch this YouTube video and see for yourself. As you can see, it's easy to choose and upload your photos, and the app even reminds you when it's time to choose more!

 

Just $2.99 entitles you to a 100-page keepsake photo book every month (this is a subscription cost, however you can cancel at any time). They will never use your photos without your knowledge or permission, and their representatives on Facebook answer any user questions quickly and pleasantly (I know this because I stalked them, remember?).

 

If I can use this app, anyone can!

 

It took about 12 minutes for my photos to load, so obviously this is something you could do while waiting to pick up kids from school, waiting at a dance class or ball practice, or just watching one of your favorite shows. I like that I can cancel anytime if I want to, although with the amount of pictures I take and the option to order more than one of any photo, I doubt I'll make it completely through my photo stream any time soon. Your first photo book has to be 100 photos, but after that, you have the option to download less.

 

The photo quality depended on the quality of the photos I took, frankly. This forced me to go through my photo stream and delete all the blurred and fuzzy shots. Basically, if it looks good on your photo stream, it's going to look great in your Groovebook.

 

And do you know what the best part of this is? YOU get to try it for FREE!! All you have to do is enter KISSINGTHEGROOVE into the "coupon code" section of the billing information for your account and the first month's $2.99 charge for shipping is FREE. This is risk free - you don't have to continue after the first month if you don't like it, although I personally don't see why you wouldn't.

 

Search for Groovebook on your mobile device or go to their website to get started. Don't forget to enter KISSINGTHEGROVE for your first book free.

 

I promise, you won't be sorry you tried it!

 

 

 

*I am being compensated for this post, but all the opinions are my own.