10 Events from the Past Decade I Wouldn't Want to Forget

I am currently working my way through the book What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. I know, I'm a little late to the game as this book was published in 2009, but that's what happens when reading for fun gets "shelved" for other things.

Anyway, in this best-selling book, Alice is a 39-year old mother of three who finds herself with memory loss after falling off her bike in spin class and hitting her head. She thinks she is still 29, madly in love with her husband, and pregnant with her first child. She slowly begins to piece the past ten years back together, only to discover that her life hasn't exactly turned out the way she thought it would.

I have always romanticized the notion of getting amnesia. I imagine being the damsel in distress, slowly piecing the fragments of my memory back together like a puzzle or a mystery. Though, reading this book makes me think about the past ten years of my own life and how much has happened. Sometimes ten years can seem like nothing - events that happened a decade ago can be recalled as easily as if they happened last week.

But sometimes, you catch yourself thinking, Wow, that happened that long ago??

For me, it feels like the bulk of my life has been lived in the past ten years, and I definitely would not want to have missed it by not remembering the events as I lived them. Here are ten events I wouldn't want to forget:

1. Childbirth and my children. Ten years ago, I had two newborn babies. Two babies who, though they were born in December, didn't come home until this week. I wouldn't know their personalities, how easily I fell into motherhood, and how much I loved it. I'd be surprised to learn I had more babies - lots more babies - despite having undergone fertility treatments for the twins. I'd know nothing about my other pregnancies, breast feeding, or Slim's surgeries to repair his cleft lip and palate. I think I would also have to grieve the fact that I have no little girls. I accepted it each time the doctor announced, "It's a boy!" But I always saw myself being the mom of girls.

2. Our two-year stint living on Long Island. Although I was reluctant to move initially, those two years were some of the best of our lives. We were doing it on our own. I'll never forget the feeling of confidence I had every time someone came to visit us and I took them to all the tourist hotspots just like I was a regular city dweller. If I didn't remember living there, New York City would still be a big, scary, mysterious place to me. Now I think I could go back and fall into step like I never left.

Us in Central Park, Hubby with hair, me PG with our third

3. Our current home. I always saw us living in our little brick home for a long while, filling the tree-lined backyard with lots of kids. I think I'd be amazed to learn that we are actually living in Hubby's sister's old home and that we're about ready to move. I would have missed all the renovations of our current home, the plans for our future home, and all of the memories we have made here along the way.

4. Our travels. I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. We went last year at this time. All I would have would be pictures rather than the memory of flying over the island in a helicopter (I wouldn't believe I had done that!). I would have missed Florida, California, all of our memories of our vacation condo on the lake, and all the times I've explored a city alone while Hubby was at a business conference.

5. How much our extended family has grown. In addition to our own children, between the two of us, Hubby and I have about 30 nieces and nephews. Most of them are teenage and older, and it's been so fun to watch them grow and mature, marry people, develop serious relationships and careers, and have babies of their own. I'd never be able to catch up on everything that's gone on with all of them if I forgot it all. Hubby and I also each have sisters who've been divorced and remarried, too. I'd have to get to know the new spouses and all the new kids our siblings have added.

6. Facebook, social media, e-mail, and texting. While there was e-mail ten years ago, it wasn't as easy as it is now to check, send, and receive. And the boom of social media has been incredible. I think it would be pretty difficult for me to wrap my head around all the people I hear from on a regular basis now that I have Facebook.

7. My friends. 90% of the people I interact with now are people I have met in the past ten years. I'd have to get to know them again, learn where and how we met and under what circumstances. And all the people who live in my computer (ie: my blogger friends)? There would be no one who could explain them to me but me. Plus, my two best college friends I thought were long lost to me are in my life once again. That would definitely be a pleasant surprise I'd want to remember.

8. My blog and writing. Though I've always wanted to be a writer, having a blog wasn't even on my radar 10 years ago. I'd miss knowing the process I went through to start it, choosing the name, and the other sites I've written for along the way. In addition, I've been published in a book and write for a print magazine - two things that were just dreams a decade ago.

9. Physical changes. How in the hell would I explain to myself all the weight I've gained in the past ten years?? My mom has gone all gray (she looks great!), Hubby has gone almost all bald (no comment), and there is a huge expressway that runs through the middle of our city now. It would be like I'm in a foreign land with unknown people. I don't do very well with change.

10. Joey's battle with cancer and his death. How would I even be able to come to grips with the fact that the little baby I just had was gone already? Gone before I even had the chance to know his adorable personality, his hilarious outlook on life, his sweet positivity? I definitely wouldn't want to grieve it all over again, but I also wouldn't want to forget what we went through because ultimately it changed me as a mother and as a person.

Last week on Facebook I asked if I should check out a spin class (totally unrelated to my reading of the book). Considering everything I could forget, I think I might pass.


Have you ever thought about what would happen if you lost your memory? What are some of the most unforgettable events of the past decade for you?

It's Not Enough, SeaWorld

So, I've been waiting to write this post about SeaWorld San Diego for three weeks now. I've been waiting to hear back from SeaWorld San Diego about an incident that happened to my family there - at SeaWorld San Diego.

And I've finally heard back from SeaWorld San Diego about the incident that happened there - at SeaWorld San Diego. So now I'm going to tell you about what happened at SeaWorld San Diego and how I feel about it.

(I am not nuts. I'm just trying to put "SeaWorld San Diego" in this post as many times as I can so it will get picked up by search engines. So people will read this and it will somehow affect SeaWorld San Diego in the hopes that they will actually do something about "the situation" <--- Oh, and no, not the Jersey Shore Situation. Wrong SEO. I'm totally getting off track here....)

Anyway . . .so my family took a much needed vacation to San Diego a few weeks ago. We had a really nice time. We stayed at a nice resort where the boys could play in the sand near the water, we went to Coronado Beach (gorgeous beach, quaint and darling town), and went to LegoLand (we LOVED LegoLand, so perfect for our kids' ages as they are obsessed with Legos right now and the rides were just their size).

And of course we went to SeaWorld San Diego.

We had gone to SeaWorld Orlando on our Make-A-Wish trip with Joey. We thought it was okay (probably just the circumstance under which we were there). Since Slim is also obsessed with sharks and other underwater creatures, SeaWorld San Diego was a must.

We were impressed with many aspects of our visit. The park was immaculately clean, the shows were darling, and every single employee - from clerks to custodians to guest relations - was beyond friendly, helpful, and smiling. Hubby and I kept commenting to each other all day about this.

The day after we were at SeaWorld San Diego, PETA was to be protesting there about the treatment of its killer whales. From what I understand, this is not the first time SeaWorld has come under criticism.

Of course, every bit of evidence we saw was to the contrary - happy, loving trainers and workers reminding visitors to be careful with the animals and smiling even as kids (mine) interrupted their prepared speeches about the animals.

We became aware that a television crew was on site filming a commercial for SeaWorld. In general, I found these people to be a little blunt, cold, and almost annoyed by the presence of visitors. One sign in the turtle house read, "Television filming in progress. If you don't want to be on camera, then stay out!" Or, seriously, something to that effect. So we stayed away. I didn't want my kids to get yelled at or anything.

So, later, we were walking by another location where filming was taking place. It was off to the side and gated. As we were walking, Slim was slightly behind us, walking in his Slim way, looking at the ground not paying attention at all.

I saw a woman sitting in a director's chair pointing at him and talking to the man next to her. I kept looking at her to see what she might be talking about.

And then "the incident" occured.

Slim wandered aimlessly in the direction of the gated off area. A SeaWorld employee, who obviously drew the short straw and was assigned to be the minion protecting the gate of hell, quickly steered him away.

Without missing a beat, Slim changed direction and followed us. No harm, no foul. Right?

Wrong. Not according to the director chair bitch who is probably related to some other bitch who has been in the news lately.

This woman, who had been pointing at Slim, then took her fingers, shaped them into a gun, and pantomimed shooting Slim!

I am shaking again, even as I write this.

I mean WHAT. THE. FUCK??? (And you should know people, I hardly ever drop the F-bomb. This is how upset I still am about this.)

The child did absolutely nothing wrong. This is my child who IS likely to bust in somewhere and interrupt; but he didn't even do that, so WHAT ON EARTH was this woman thinking??

I was livid, and stunned. I stood there and stared at her, and she stared back at me with a smirk on her face. I did the only thing I could think to do at the time - I flipped her off and kept walking, hugging Slim to me  (thank God neither he nor the other boys had seen what she'd done).

I was shaking as I told Hubby about it moments later - I wish he had seen because he would have yelled at her all of the things I then thought about yelling, two minutes too late.

In this day and age of social media, he suggested going back and taking her picture and putting it all over YouTube and Twitter and my blog. I was too chicken of a confrontation, though. I am so not a confrontational person. Plus, I didn't want to get us kicked out of the park.

And let me tell you, it absolutely RUINED the rest of my day. I couldn't stop shaking and thinking about it.

Of course I filled out an incident report at Guest Services and went home with plans of writing about it and submitting it all over the web (if only I had the bitch's picture!).

But, I waited to see what SeaWorld's response would be.

After all, SeaWorld is obviously a family friendly place. They want families there, so to allow a person from a company hired by SeaWorld to do this, is unfathomable.

Right?

Three weeks later, I got a short letter as a response:

Dear Ms. Frog:

Thank you for your correspondence. We greatly appreciate you sharing your concerns with us. I am terribly sorry for your experience during your recent visit to our park. We agree; the action you described by a member of the production crew is unacceptable. We are following up with the agency that coordinated and oversaw this commercial filming production as this type of behavior will not be tolerated.

Again, I want to genuinely apologize for the behavior of the member of the production crew and express how sorry we are that it detracted from your family's experience while visiting the park.

Sincerely,
Dave Koontz
SeaWorld San Diego

Well played, Dave Koontz's administrative assistant. This is exactly what a mom would want to hear.

However, for me, it is not enough. I am a mom, darn it. I want to know how this production company was punished, not that they got a "talking to." I want to know that you stood up for a family at your park and fired this company for not adhering to your family values.

Do you think I'll ever hear back from Mr. Koontz about the final outcome?

No, I don't either.

Some people might say, 'Oh, Kathy, just let it go. That's just how the world is.' But I don't want to let it go, nor do I want to simply accept that people are just rude. I, for one, am tired of rude people. I don't accept that it is okay to be rude to someone just because you do not know them, so what does it matter?

Well, it matters. It matters how you treat people, especially children. Especially in this gun-crazed, psycho pedophile, terrorist-laden society - yes, it matters.

We cannot let rudeness and ugliness become standard behavior just because that is what most people are doing. What happened to smiles and kindness? What happened to helping and caring for all people? What happened to acceptance and understanding?

I could have been one of those people who took this to the media. I'm sure they would have jumped on this story given the problems SeaWorld was experiencing that week. But that's not what I wanted. I wanted to know what would be done.

And I'm still asking, what is going to be done? That behavior is offensive and scary and stupid, and the fact that an adult did it toward a child who was doing nothing wrong is even more disturbing. It shouldn't be allowed to continue, and it should be known that it will not be tolerated. After all, it is California. Production companies must be a dime a dozen. I just want to know that SeaWorld is spending its dime on a different production company.

The woman who did this will never get punished, but I want her to know that her actions lost her company a job. I want people to know that their actions do have consequences, because, after all, isn't that what we're all trying to teach our children?

I think I'll keep Mr. Koontz's name on file and follow up with him in a few weeks. I think he thought he heard the last of this when he asked his AA to draft a letter to this crazy mom.

But I'm not done because it's not enough.


What do you think I should do? Just drop it and accept the apology, or follow up and find out what happened to the production company?

What I Learned on My Vacation

I'm back to my blog after about two weeks off. Two weeks away from social media. No blogging, no tweeting, no pinning, barely any commenting on other blogs. I needed a break. Things were getting to me. I was tired, physically and mentally.

I wrote this post, and then went on vacation to San Diego with my family. The perfect time to step away.

In my absence, I received all manner of comments ranging from empathy and understanding to speculation that I am depressed, still grieving, or really ill.

Well, it's nice to know people care.

The truth of the matter is that I am probably all of those things. I am a busy mom, trying to do too much and not taking care of myself.

The truth is that I am depressed - about Joey, about family "stuff", about myself and feeling like I'm in a sinking boat while my only oar floats away.

The truth is that I grieve for Joey every day, but so much harder some days than others.

The truth is my well-being is ill because it hasn't been attended to in a long time. My treadmill broke. I eat like crap. I'm tired, but I won't go to bed because of everything that's weighing on me.

I slept a lot on vacation. As I sat in our bungalow each night waiting for the boys to fall asleep, I'm sure Hubby was sitting outside with a glass of wine waiting for me to join him and look at the stars over the bay and listen to the water lapping against the sand.

But I was sleeping. Because I needed it.

I took two naps, too. Because I needed them.

I didn't bring my laptop, and I deleted a lot of blog posts that were e-mailed to me (I did read the ones from all my most favorite friends - AnnMarie, Steph, Meredith, Kimberly, JD, and a handful of others, but I just didn't comment). I didn't look at Twitter, and I barely checked Facebook.

And you know what?

Life went on.

Bloggers blogged, Tweeters tweeted, Pinners Pinned, Facebookers updated statuses.

And honestly, I really don't think I missed much.

What I didn't miss was having fun with my family at Legoland, watching the sheer exuberance of three little boys who ran screaming through the Mini-Land display to all of their favorite Star Wars scenes.

 



Or the fascination that all my boys - big and little - had with the fish pond at the resort.

 

 

 

Or watching all four boys have a total blast simply playing in the wet sand getting completely filthy.

 

 

 

Allowing myself to allow them to get completely filthy.

 

 

 

My mistake was thinking that things would change once I arrived back home. Thinking that I would have this magic change of heart or profound inspiration or strong motivation to eat tofu and run 6 miles every day.

 

Nope.

 

Monday morning greeted me with two appointments and no babysitter, and Monday afternoon slapped me with two activities and one little boy who didn't want to do either.

 

My treadmill was still broken, I had vacation laundry to do, I had a post to write for HVFH, and I fell back into my old pattern of staying up way too late at night and noshing on too many unhealthy foods.

 

I realized that there were things to be learned from a week away . . . and they weren't necessarily things I wanted to admit.

• No matter how much sleep I get or how many naps I take, I will always be tired.
• I like junk food; and if it's here, I will eat it.
• I am a night owl. I always have been. Old habits die hard.
• There is no laundry or toy fairy who visits your house when you are gone (oh, wait a minute . . . yes, there is. Her name is MOM!! Thanks Mom!).
• I logically cannot spend all of my time on social media. It is not my job. That's great that some people treat it like their job, but I just can't right now. And I can't let myself get upset about certain things not happening because I am not trying as hard as someone else.
• That pile of crap on my desk and all that junk in the "Lego" room is not going anywhere. I will get to it eventually.

Please tell me you have a room like this in your house, too.



I once heard that if you've crossed everything off your to-do list, that means you're dead. I think I am going to be around for a while.

 

As far as my writing goes . . .well, I'm not sure where it's going. What I do know, is that I need to take my own advice.

 

A young person whom I love very much and who has been very important to my family the past seven years, came to me for some advice. I told her one of my favorite pieces of life advice from one of my favorite people from my past.

 

My speech teacher in high school was Mary Kay Mueller. Today, she is an author, a motivational speaker, and life coach. She always had a smile on her face as she repeated to snotty, bored high school girls, "Happy people take risks."

 

Happy people take risks.

 

For 25 years I have been carrying this saying around - and telling other people this, too.

 

But not really living it.

 

You see, I'm scared of risk. With risk comes loss, and I've already lost too much. Loss hurts.

 

But without risk, you may never find happiness. No one was ever happy simply standing still. Content? Perhaps. But happy? No.

 

So yeah, I've got to take some risks. Recently, I applied for a paid blogger job and found out I was a finalist for the position. Wow, 'cause last year when I applied for this same job, I wasn't even considered.

 

I didn't end up getting the job; but I took a risk, and it made me happy.

 

So, going forward, I'm following the old school advice that Kit gave Vivian in Pretty Woman: Take care of you.

 

It seems so simple. Don't worry about anything else. If you take care of yourself, the rest will come. No comparisons, no beating myself up for something I am not. No gimmicks, no trying too hard. I am me, and I am unique. I am not anyone else and shouldn't try to be. I should just be the best me I am capable of being.

 

Without totally exhausting myself again, that is. ;)

 

 

What's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten? Did you follow it? How did it turn out?

 

 

Doggone Vacation

We have a vacation condo on a lake about three hours from our house. It happens to be the same lake that Hubby's family used to frequent when he was a kid. And for a year now, he has been asking his mother to come with us for a weekend. She has been saying no, mostly using her dog as an excuse.

This past weekend, he asked her to come with us again, and suggested that she bring the dog.

I don't know about you, but to me, three little boys+a baby+a dog+a MIL+a three-hour car trip=something that didn't sound fun at all!

In fact, I was dreading it a little bit.

Don't get me wrong, I'm actually pretty lucky - when it comes to MILs, I have a pretty good one. Yes, she freely gives unsolicited advice, but the woman raised eight children. I have found over the years that her advice is usually dead on.

"Look at it this way," Hubby reasoned, "if we're thinking about getting a dog, this will be a good way to test it out."

Testing out how the dog stresses out the MIL, which stresses out the Hubby, which stresses me out, which upsets the boys, who get the dog all riled up, which stresses out the MIL.

You mean that kind of test?

I had one response to that:

Meet my new boyfriend, Paul Hobbs.

Regardless of my opinion, we loaded everyone up and set off, me in the backseat with the kids, and MIL up front with the dog on her lap.

And do you know that I heard not one peep from that dog the whole trip?  (Can't say the same for the children.) And Hubby actually had a nice conversation with his mother.

In fact, the MIL and the dog were far from a problem at all. The only "problems" we experienced were the ones we usually have.

Despite being told to go potty before we set out, everyone had to go halfway through the trip. And stopping the car always makes the baby wake up, which makes him cry the remainder of the trip.

Which means that Mommy cannot read the three back issues of In Style magazine that she brought with her because it is the only chance she gets to read them.

We made it to the condo by about 9:30 p.m., well past everyone's bedtime.

That's when Slim found the dog's squeaky toy. Let me tell you a little about a squeaky dog toy in the hands of an 8-year-old with ADHD.

Torture people, pure torture!

In fact, I'm quite certain I read somewhere that the government is considering replacing waterboarding with an eight-year-old repeatedly squeaking a dog toy as a means of coercing prisoners into spilling their country's secrets.

Still no barking from the dog, no stressing from the MIL.

The next day, on the way home from the waterpark, the four-year-old sat down in the middle of the parking lot, just sat down because he was too tired to continue walking. And as I pulled him by the arm into the elevator of our condo, a group of young, good-looking guys got on with us. They saw me yank him by his arm, and they were extra nice to him on the ride up (you know, because of his bitchy, psycho mother).

"Hey Buddy, can you push number three for us?" "Great job, Pal!"

The same guys who were partying on their deck into the wee hours of the morning.

But MIL and the dog slept through it all.

The baby, Hubby, and me...not so much. We were all up at four o'clock in the morning listening to the party revelers out on their deck next to us. They all went to bed shortly after 4:15 a.m. Baby...didn't fall back to sleep until 5:45 a.m. Then I slept until 9:30 a.m. missing the trip to our favorite cafe for breakfast (I thought it was a little too quiet in there).

At least they brought me a cinnamon roll.

Then there was the boat incident during which the six-year-old spilled blue Gatorade all over, and as the boat was rocking and knocking us all around while we tried to clean it up, the dog and the MIL were simply enjoying the breeze and the sunshine.

All in all, it was a great weekend. A car trip, a boat ride, a condo with seven people plus a dog - there's no way everything was going to go smoothly.

But I really think Hubby enjoyed showing his mom how much their old vacation spots have changed and how some things have stayed the same. For her part, MIL was sweet, helpful, easy-going, and kept the unsolicited advice to a minimum.

And the boys loved taking care of the dog, who was easy-going as well. Knox, who has said on many occasions that we will never get a dog, even said to me, "Guess what, Mommy? I'm ready to get a dog."

Oh?

"And you can help me take care of it." (I could have seen where that one was going from across the lake.)

Anyway, MIL will be 83 in August. Even though it seems like she's still going strong, one never knows. I'm glad she was able to come with us, bring the dog, and enjoy a (mostly) stress-free weekend.

Photo by Kathy Glow

Have you ever traveled with in-laws?  Or a dog?  How'd that work out for you?