That said, he does have one flaw . . .he is a horrible sleeper.
It may have something to do with the fact that he has no idea how to self-soothe and that he thinks my nipples are his own personal sucking candies. When he wakes up and they are not there in his face, he has no idea what to do, but cry (I'm sorry ladies, but does this not sound like a typical man or what?).
Anyway, as he is almost 19 months old, and the quality of my own sleep has been so poor for the last, oh, 28 months, I think it's time to lay down the law and do some sleep training. So I present to you, my 30-step plan for sleep training my toddler:
1. Put him to sleep at his normal bedtime, via the normal routine (rocking and nursing - hey, if he's all cozy and satisfied, maybe he will stay asleep all night this time).
2. Go about my normal routine, which involves getting into bed at about 2:00 a.m.
3. Get all snuggled up in bed, wiggling and tossing and turning until my body is right in that comfortable groove in my bed.
4. Drift off and just barely enter REM.
5. Is that a baby crying? Hmmm . . .a baby is crying. I wonder where it is.
6. Get kicked in the shin by Hubby, "The baby is crying."
7. Unwrap from warm cocoon and prepare to get out of bed as Hubby says, "Just let him cry."
8. Cover back up and stare at the ceiling, listening to baby cry.
9. Twenty minutes later, lay fuming as Hubby is solidly snoring away and baby is now yelling, "Mommy! Moooooommmmmmy!"
10. Uncover again, get out of bed, and close door to bedroom so Hubby doesn't hear. Mustn't wake him up.
11. Close all bedroom doors so no other little children wake up.
12. Stand with hand on door handle to baby's room, willing baby to stop crying.
13. After almost falling asleep standing up, decide it would be best to lay in hallway and listen to baby cry. Maybe being so close to the door, I will absorb all the sound and no one else will hear.
14. Start drifting off, only to be awakened by a shooting pain in my hip from laying on the floor.
15. Realize baby is now all out sobbing.
16. Think, screw it, and go in his room.
17. Have every intention of just shushing him, giving him a pat, and leaving, but instead, melt and give in when he smiles, reaches his arms out and says, "Mommy!"
18. Pick him up and sink into his tight little hug and toddler sweetness.
19. Stand with him, swaying back and forth until his little head drops on my shoulder.
20. Convinced he is asleep, gently lay him back down in his crib.
21. Yell, "CRAP!" and run out of the room when he immediately pops back up.
22. Go back down the hall, close the door, get back in bed and cover head with several blankets and pillows.
23. Realize you can still hear baby yelling, "MOMMY!!"
24. Hear 9 year old in the hall, and realize baby is in danger of waking everyone up.
25. Throw off covers, sighing audibly.
26. Meet 9 year old in hall, who says, "Mom, the baby wants you."
27. Curse fertile uterus.
28. Completely give in by picking toddler up, getting comfy in rocking chair, and nursing him until he's sound asleep, and I have a cramp in my ass.
29. Resign myself to this routine until
30. Put baby down, sound asleep, and creep out of room as sun is rising while thinking to myself, He's only little for a short time. Who cares? Not me. Not really.
Do you struggle with any poor sleepers at your house? What is your plan for fixing it?
I remember these steps oh so well. You're sleeplessness time will end, but your last line about knowing how this time is fleeting...love it!!
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, Mel! I know this stage isn't going to last forever. Just trying to enjoy it if I have to be going through it again.
DeleteI am not even kidding a little bit about this: I have an extra twin mattress that is tucked away. I pull it out regularly for sick/scared/just want to be by me kids. I throw that sucker down on the floor in my room. Throw some blankies and a pillow on it. Scared/sick kid climbs in and is happy to be near me. I get back into my bed. We all sleep. I totally do not worry about all the "must teach them how to sleep" business. I will double-down guarantee you that none of my teenagers will be begging to sleep with me. I figure if I can get some sleep and they are feeling safe and content on my floor, then all is right with the world. Of course your little guy is probably too little for that. :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWe have a big down comforter in our room for the littles. They prefer our bed. :(
DeleteI agree with you about the sleep-nazi training. They'll get there. And there are so many factors that affect sleep, that it's all relative anyway.
Lol!! Oh I do not miss those days! But my girls are now 8 and 4 and I've come to accept that I will sleep through the night when they go off to college! But at least as they get a bit older, you'll get to sleep in a little bit...maybe...at least on Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, can't wait for those days! Except, according to my mother, I'll still be awake at night worrying where they are.
DeleteKathy...I'm worried that our adorable blondes may have been separated at birth! I'm living and breathing these same "30 Easy Steps" right now. My favorite is the husband's ever-helpful shin-kicking. Thank you Captain Obvious...thanks for your super help yet again ;) I LOVED this post. LOVED.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jen. Maybe we should get the boys together and let them just play hard and then they'll automatically just crash for the whole night!
DeleteHahaha! Sleeping husbands, lying on the floor outside the room, the I'm-tired-and-want-this-to-end battle at the doorknob. Been there, done that six times over. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks! My others were neither horrible sleepers nor super sleepers, so I've been there. But this one is clearly a beast of my own making!
DeleteKathy, I too have been there. We are just finally in a good place, which means one of my kids is probably due to be sick and screw that one all to hell. Trust me I have been there with both my girls at different times and I too hate having them CIO. So not a fan and even though they are sleeping so much better now, I still don't sleep perfectly. No words of help, because it was my husband both times that got them to sleep better. First with my older, while I was on bedrest during my second pregnancy and then with the younger laying on the floor next to her while she would fall asleep (yeah I have sciatica and never would have got up off the floor again).
ReplyDeleteWhen they are sick, all bets are off! I went through this once with him, but now he has an ear infection he just can't shake.
DeleteMy four year old was a waker upper when she was a toddler, especially when she had an ear infection. Even now she still goes through periods where she wakes up in the middle of the night, but thankfully not like she used to! I hope you get through this time with your sanity intact!
ReplyDeleteThanks - me too!!
DeleteUgh. I feel your pain. My daughter was NOT a good sleeper from day one, and out of sheer desperation I started the whole nurse-to-sleep thing. My husband has a stressful, demanding job, so he was of no help in the middle of the night. When we hit the 4-month sleep regression, all hell broke loose and it was taking me upwards of 3 hours to get her down at night, and she ALWAYS woke up 45 minutes later. And then there were the 3 wake-ups a night and all of the naps I had to contend with. I tried CIO twice, but she was still crying after 10 nights and I couldn't take it. It did improve things initially, but after a few weeks, we were right back where we started. I eventually told myself my boobs didn't work after sunset, and started sitting next to her crib until she was asleep, and over the course of 2 weeks, I moved farther and farther away. The first night was awful, but I spent the whole time in her room with her and kept picking her up, comforting her, and putting her back down. Once we got that hellish night over with, it was 80% better in that she didn't cry when she went in her crib as long as I was there. But it could take up to an hour for her to fall asleep, so I just played Words With Friends on my phone. :) We did have a hiccup when it came time for me not to sit in her room at bedtime (naptime was fine) because she started to cut 4 teeth at once, and I went back to old habits for 3 weeks before my husband said ENOUGH. Two nights of CIO and she was over it. She cried for 5 minutes the first night and maybe 30 seconds the next night. My suspicion is that she learned how to self-soothe somewhere along the way, but she knew I would do whatever she wanted if she cried. I hope to never experience that again in this lifetime. Fingers crossed you are able to work it all out!!! xo
ReplyDeleteI forgot about the sitting next to the crib and moving farther away each night. Not sure I'll try that. I think it would just piss him off. I think it's going to have to be good ole CIO!
Delete"Curse fertile uterus"--Kathy, you're hysterical :)
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you. :)
DeleteOh, I could never resist the heartbreaking cry either...
ReplyDeletePaired with the cries of "MOMMY!" and I'm a goner.
DeleteOur three year old daughter occasionally climbs in bed with us in the middle of the night, but it is pretty rare. Our house could collapse around us and my husband and five year old son would sleep right through it.
ReplyDeleteI never thought I'd say this, but I do miss those middle of the night, nursing and rocking sessions. It really is a magical time, both mother and child in that space between asleep and awake.
-Amy
Honestly, Amy, I kind of agree with you - that's why I am still doing it. I know I shouldn't, but he is for sure my last and I just want to stretch it out a little longer. Is that so terrible?
DeleteOh girl. I have been there. I kind of am STILL there. My kids are way done nursing, but even this morning I woke up with both of them in bed with us. They both want to sleep with us. Even if they start out in their own room (which they do almost every night) they end up in our room.
ReplyDeleteSigh.
I just need to buy a bigger bed.
Oh no, they think a bigger bed means more room for them!! They'll move right in, just like our nine year old tries to do every night!
DeleteFYI, I love REM!
ReplyDeleteMe too!
DeleteOh good God yes! That is my child, our routine, and my exact mentality. Nursing is SO much faster and easier but I have set a goal to end nighttime nursing at the end of this month, at 16 months. May the force be with you.
ReplyDeleteYes, you, too! I agree, nursing is just faster and easier, especially when I have to deal with getting the older ones in bed, too.
DeleteOmg!I love this, as I just finally stopped nursing my two and a half year old for the sake of sleep almost entirely! Additionally, I had to stop eating all satori products, eggs and nuts while nursing due to his food allergies, which alone was insanely draining. It was worth every second. Love to see someone go through all this too because of that face, that smile, that look in his eyes when he reaches his arms out for you, and how you meld together when you hold him......how do you say no to that? It's my responsibility and privilege to give that to him, for the little while we get......<3
ReplyDeleteCompletely agreed! :)
DeleteNothing infuriates my like my husband going back to sleep seconds after waking up. Even if I decide not to go in, I can't just fall back asleep. Not like I can't, like on a moral level... I just can't!
ReplyDeleteI completely get what you're saying. It's easy for him to say, "Let him cry," and then be snoring again in 2.5 seconds. Me? Not so much.
DeleteWe did it like they do on Animal Planet - just keep the cub close at night, in the same nest as the parents, so the suckling can take place without much crying. I slept like a tranquilized bear, of course.
ReplyDeleteBut rather than today have the horrific demon children that we were warned about, we have three outgoing perfectly healthy girls. So, maybe Animal Planet has it right. So does nature.
P.S. We men do stop crying if there isn't a boob in our face, eventually. I think right around age 56.
Eli, you make me laugh! Yes, I do think animals are smarter than we are. They have it all worked out.
DeleteI could have written this--minus the crib. I'm still snuggled up in bed at night with my Geel. That journey started here: http://www.not-so-super-mom.com/2012/04/welcome-to-my-crib.html
ReplyDeleteSorry for the self-pimp. Just commiserating. I particularly like #26. We have "helpers" too. Feelin' your pain....
I'm going to have to check yours out. It's always nice to know that someone else understands!
DeleteGod bless you. The toddler years is the reason I won't have another baby. i couldn't' go through it again. But you're superwoman, so you can handle it! Good luck finding your slumber.
ReplyDeleteThanks Steph - I'm sure you'll be hearing about it! ;)
DeleteI just coslept with them for the second half of the night. I'm too lazy to so the getting up and putting them back nonsense. LOL
ReplyDeleteI know, that's my thing. Too tired to go through the putting them back. Let's just all go back to sleep!
DeleteOh man...why did I get pregnant again???
ReplyDeleteOne thing though, if they aren't able to fall asleep on their own in the first place - then they aren't gunna fall asleep on their own when they wake up in the night. I think it all starts when they can fall asleep on their own, then they have the confidence to do it all night. It's very nice to nurse them to sleep and snuggle though...
...ok I remember why I got pregnant again.
I had my other four trained pretty well. I guess I thought this guy would be a breeze, too. BUT, I think I made him the little beast he is=spoiled! Good luck with your new one!
DeleteExactly! Ugh, this is so me (love the idea that you can absorb the sound with your body) except we went one step further with preventing self-soothing by letting her co-sleep. Of course, that means I don't have to get up when I immediately cave in and nurse her back to sleep. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis was so funny and brought back so many memories!! I was a slave to them, I swear. One was a better sleep than the other. I definitely, definitely remember my husband continuing to snore as I did all the work. I spent many nights outside of my boys' rooms waiting for them to go back to sleep and then just giving in. Loved this post!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the hilarious post. I (yet again) found myself searching the web "how to sleep train a toddler" as my 14 month old is upstairs crying in his crib after a 20 minute nap. This post is exactly what I needed in my sleep deprived desperate state! Now that I have taken a few minutes to giggle and realize I am not alone in this blessed season I am off to nurse (again) my amazing bundle in hopes he will settle in for a much needed morning nap. Thank you for the smile :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you liked it and it brought a bit of relief. My little guy is almost 2 now and he is sleeping through the night *knock on wood*, but he still thinks he needs me to go to sleep. We'll get there. I'm in no hurry. :)
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