8 things that make shopping with toddlers easier (for them)

It's unavoidable: at some time during the week you have to run errands with a child (or two or three) in tow. It can be a total nightmare of temper tantrums, meltdowns, and games of hide and seek so complex that the store is forced to enact Code Adam.

We've all seen - or been - the frustrated mother dragging her tantruming child out of the store without completing her shopping. It sucks, but we have to get stuff done, right?

Back in the day (the 1970s), my mother shopped at the forerunner to the Gordman's stores. They had a play area there that consisted of five large, plastic animals that kids could crawl in, climb on, slide down, and hang out in. She would leave us there while she shopped.

Today, sadly, we moms would get arrested for that. However, there are some stores that understand the "mama-with-toddler-in-tow" plight and offer solutions to (albeit, temporarily) fix the issue of cranky miniature shoppers. However well-meaning these fixes are, they actually create even more problems for us mamas.

Solution 1: Free cookies.  Everyone loves cookies, right? Wrong. There are some moms who don't want their child to have cookies. I've heard that if you don't get the cookie from the beginning, it's easier because your child doesn't ask. Whoops - I messed that one up. For those of us who do succumb to the "I want a cooooookie!," it's really a sugar-filled crap shoot. My kid may get the cookie and be perfectly satisfied for five or ten minutes.

It's hard work eating a cookie and pushing
a cart at the same time.

Or it could be the wrong kind/break apart/fall on the floor and a new tantrum begins. Not to mention the mini-sugar rush happening in 3, 2, 1 . . .

Solution 2: Televisions. There are a few children's clothing stores I shop at that have a little television viewing area with a movie running constantly. Again, it's fine for people like me who don't care if their child has a little screen time; especially if the store is small and you can see your child from every angle.

However, when your shopping takes you a little farther away from the television or it is time to leave, all hell can break loose BECAUSE THE SHOW IS NOT OOOOVER, MOMMY!!

Solution 3: Train/Lego Tables. Ahh, even better than the television is the activity table - that is if you can stomach the petri dish that lies within it. All you have to do is come over and check on your little darling two or ten times to make sure she's not putting all of the pieces in her mouth.

Unless, that is, all the trains are missing or some other little kid is taking all of the pieces right out of your kid's hands.

Solution 4: Car carts. Everyone loves a car cart, right? And most stores are proactively placing sanitizing wipes right next to them so you can wipe all the drool/boogers/feces/influenza off the steering wheel. It's a win!

You can actually see the dirt on this car cart. Eww.

Until your child decides he no longer wants to ride in it, wiggles out of the "safety harness," and leans so precariously over the side that you have to take him out; leaving you to push a 30-pound car cart with no one inside to help you steer.

Solution 5: The mini-cart. What child doesn't love a chance to play grown-up with her very own cart? Give her some responsibility, let her help pick the family's food - it's a fun learning activity.

And he's off in a blur!

Or a recipe for broken ankles and all the marshmallows and sugared cereal you can eat. Now you know why all the crap food is on the low shelves. Oh, and beware the little old lady shoppers berating you for not watching your mini shopper more closely. Sorry, Granny, send me the bill!

Solution 6: 25-cent trinket machines. Kind of brilliant, right? The store makes even more money selling your kid more junk he doesn't need for you to puncture your foot with and have to take an afternoon to purge.

That is, if it makes it home. One chain store sells huge bouncy balls for a quarter . . . that my boys loose under the racks before we even get out of the store. And then cry for another one.

Solution 7: Mall play areas. Genius. You shop, shop, shop; then break it up with time for Little Junior to blow off steam and get some activity.

Until another kid pushes him off the slide. Or it's time to move on, and he throws a tantrum so epic that you have to leave the mall anyway.

Solution 8: Balloons. Oh, look at the pretty balloon! And see how the worker has expertly tied the ribbon in a slipknot around my child's wrist so that it doesn't fly away?

Until you get home and realize you already have 43 balloons without strings stuck to your ceiling.


Seriously stores, thank you for trying. We, the harried mothers of the world, thank you; but honestly, if you could offer babysitting services (and a coupon for them, of course) it would make our lives so much easier.

Or we could just shop during nap time.

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Pictures of our new home from our toddler's point of view

You know those times when you can't find your phone anywhere, and then you find it on the floor somewhere face up? If you have a toddler, once you get over the relief that the screen isn't cracked (or worse), you immediately check the photo stream because . . .well, toddlers.

Recently, I discovered that Edgie had taken roughly 200 photos in one afternoon on my phone. Once I deleted all the blurry and repeated pictures, I started to enjoy looking at the rest. He was obviously walking around the house just clicking away. It was really interesting to see his point of view for a change. I thought I would share it with you. I didn't edit any of the pictures because I really wanted to keep the artistic integrity of his work.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm lazy.

Let me introduce you to the photographer, three-year-old Edgie:

His hair looks so much better now that he let the barber cut it. The lice he contracted at preschool really did the trick: "You don't want to get bugs in your hair again, do you Edgie?"

This is our entry from his perspective. It really isn't this big, but from his POV it looks huge! Notice the sliding barn door on the den. I reeeaalllly wanted that design element, and I'm so glad we could work it in.

You don't necessarily notice all the color variations on the floor unless you're a toddler with a camera pointed right at it. All the shades of the wood allowed us to decorate with many different tones and colors.

One place we played with different colors and stains was our kitchen. Hubby actually chose all the design elements here. He loved the look of off-white cabinets and a dark island. We liked the look of stainless steel appliances, but not of the fingerprints left behind. Ours have a granite-colored finish.

The best part of the kitchen is behind those double doors in the corner - a huge pantry. So much storage for snacks (which makes a happy Hubby and boys) and for all of my fun serving dishes that I use maybe once a year.

Here's our granite. Can you see it? It's actually the opposite of how it looks here. It's a creamy white with dark flecks.

Isn't it interesting how it changes when you put your face right on it? Toddlers have long known about this trick.

Stairs from a toddler's perspective. Toddlers have also long known how scary stairs are.

When the house was being built, they were putting in this lighting on the stairs. I thought it was an unnecessary expense. Now that we're in the house, it love these! We turn them on at night for our two nocturnal wanderers. I actually fell down the last two steps one night when they weren't on. They really help!

We needed a new time-out spot. Here's the view from the new one.

We have a lot of natural light from the three huge windows in the great room. I really like it. We don't have blinds yet. I thought that would really bother me, but we have no neighbors behind or on either side of us.

Unfortunately, this is our view . . .

 . . .because we have no grass either. It makes for a dirty, muddy mess everywhere. Luckily we have boys because they totally don't mind.

And here is the view from the photographer's bed when he gets tired.

Mommy is going to have to work on getting him to fall asleep by himself. That way we won't have to turn on the stairway lights for him when he wakes up in the middle of the night and Mommy is not there. But that's a blog post for another time (and not the first).

I gave myself the unrealistic timeline of having all the boxes unpacked and put away by February 1st. I realize now how ridiculous that is. It took me about nine months to pack it all up. It should take me at least half that long to unpack and organize.

Stay tuned in February when my decorator stops by and we share some tips. The grass and landscaping are coming in the spring, and I can't wait to show you that, too.



What is your favorite design element in new homes?

The 25 Items My Toddler (Apparently) Can't Live Without for an Hour During Sunday Mass

*Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been a long time since my last confession. I wrote this blog post during mass.

I have said before that Sunday mass is sometimes the worst hour of my week. It has something  everything to do with a tiny person hell-bent on doing anything and everything except letting his mama pray. No matter how many items I stuff in my purse, it's never enough to keep his rapt attention. Let's face it, I'm no miracle worker because he's still bored during mass.

This is a small sampling of what he thinks he needs during mass:

1. Snacks (duh).
2. Milk (another duh).
3. A toy car.
4. A toy train.
5. A McDonald's toy.
6. Any toy, woman - just get me a TOY!
7. His blankie.
8. Reena the stuffed Rhinoceros (she's recovering from surgery, you know).

That's Daddy operating on Reena's tail.

9. Band-aids (one for here, and one for here, and one there . . .).
10. Books - but not the five pop-up, lift-the-flap books containing his favorite characters that I brought. It has to be the mass missal with the loud crinkly pages that tear easily.
11. My iPhone.
12. Dad's keys.
13. A chunk of his brother's hair.
14. 3 trips to the bathroom and two trips to the water fountain.
15. 20 hugs and 15 kisses from everyone in the pew.
16. Mommy's jingly bracelet.
17. The toy of the kid sitting in front of us.
18. The snack of the kid sitting in front of us (Mommy, why didn't you bring meee Scooby Snacks?).
19. A dollar to put in the collection basket.
20. 4 separate trips to the font so he can bless himself with the holy water - on his head, on his tummy, on his elbow, and in his mouth.
21. Two pamphlets from the free collection (why does he always pick the one that says When Mommy is sad?).
22. Five Kleenexes.
23. One wet wipe - which he uses to clean the pew, kneelers, and his hands when he is done.
24. One trip up to the altar, just to run around a bit (much to the horror of his mommy).
25. And one handshake and blessing from the priest after mass.

*And Father, forgive me, but I have not actually prayed at mass for over ten years. . .

He worked up an appetite with all that "praying."

No wonder that one hour of the week exhausts me more than all the others!

A Veteran Mom's 20 Best Potty Training Tips

An event ten and a half years in the making came to the Frog house this week: every single child in the house is now potty trained. Squeeeeee!!!!!! I thought it would never be over. When you're in the thick of it - the diapers, the wipes, the breastfeeding blowouts, the diaper rashes - you feel like it's never going to end. But then you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you make a run for it.

I mean, yes, there is a little, tiny, very twisted part of me that is going to miss this:

It's so tiny. And that baby smell
 they have (when they're clean, of course).

 . . .but seriously, I'll survive. So will you because I am sharing my best potty training (or toilet learning as it's cool to call now) tips with you. And I even got some friends to help me, so let's dive right in.

1. Lay the groundwork early by being careful what you say. I'm talking really early! No matter what age your child is, never act like changing her diaper is gross or a bother. She will eventually pick up on those cues and begin to think it is something to be ashamed of.

2. Use words consistently for body parts and "bathroom stuff" that are comfortable for you. These are the words that your toddler is going to use, too. So if you can't say penis without giggling, he won't take it seriously either.

3. Let them see you go to the bathroom. Or dad or big brother or sister. This might pique their curiosity of how everything works.

4. Watch for signs that your child is developmentally ready and aware of his or her elimination habits. That may sound technical, but it simply means that he is aware of his body, he pulls at his diaper when it is wet or poopy or asks you to change it. It may also mean he has a special "pooping spot" or he hides to poop. This is a good sign. (And super cute and funny, too!) You may have to wait a little longer until your child is coordinated enough to get on the potty by himself and pull up and down his own pants (but you can help).

5. Buy a potty chair and put it in the bathroom. There are sooo many out there! BABYBJORN Potty Chair - Red is the one I like (It comes in lots of different colors. Just don't get white). It is two pieces and easy peasy to clean. I've used it with two of my boys, and they found it comfortable and easy to get on and off. You don't really need anything fancy like a singing potty or a learn to flush potty. Just keep it as simple and as focused on the task at hand as possible.

5. Start talking it up! Dr. Harvey Karp, legendary pediatrician and author of several books such as The Happiest Toddler On The Block, says to tell your child her poop and pee WANT to be in the potty. Cheesy, yes I know, but I found myself saying it anyway. And I could see the wheels turning in Edgie's head. Tell your child it's time to go on the big potty like Mommy/Daddy/brother/sister. Edgie actually used to get such a sore bottom if I didn't change him right away (Hello, fifth child!), that I started talking to him about how his bottom would feel better in undies.

6. Have them practice sitting on the potty fully clothed. No pressure, no threat, no scariness. Have her sit next to you while you pee ('cause, you know, you really never can pee alone). If she doesn't want to, don't push it. She may not be ready.

7. Reward the effort. Even they just sit fully clothed, praise, praise, praise. But don't overdo it.

8. Don't be discouraged if your child is not ready. Joey was my oldest, and he showed signs of interest at age two. I was all excited, but he wasn't really ready. Girls tend to be ready earlier than boys. The typical ages are between two and three; although some children are trained at 18 months and some not until they are four. And for goodness sakes, do not compare yourself to another mom or your child to another child. Just because little Nevaeh was trained at 18 months, doesn't mean your sweetie needs to be. Every one's situation is different. Day cares or grandmas may train kids or some kids train themselves (so I've heard this rumor). It will happen. My boys were all just over three years old. By this time, they were ready to be trained in about a day to three days.

9. Read about it. There are lots of great books for boys and girls. The one we read was called The Potty Book: For Boys. I replaced the main character's name with Edgie's, and he loved it. When I would make a mistake and read the character's name in the book, Edgie would correct me by saying his name. I could see the little wheels turning in his head every time we read it.

10. Determine what motivates your child and use it consistently. When the pee happens - and it WILL, I promise! - decide what you're going to use as a reward. The reward can be a motivator as well. Different things work with different kids. For us, it was as simple as a sticker chart with the boys' favorite characters.

Moms on Facebook had these ideas:
Amber:  'Treasure' chest on top of fridge bc he loves Jake and Neverland pirates. It's a bucket filled with candy, gum, small party favors from dollar store, small toy trucks, bubbles, etc. everything came from dollar store and he picks a 'treasure' every time he sits on the potty. We encouraged just sitting and rewarded that first now it's a treasure for going. Works great for bribing him to sit.

Michelle: Pennies for Potty! My son loves money and it was more effective than stickers or treats. Then at the end he could see how much he was earning for going potty.

Heather:  I have a day care and we use M&m's... 2 for pee 4 for poop!!!! Works every time! The last child took 3 days to potty train.

Melissa:  We did sticker charts. Certain amount earned you a little something (candy treat, half hour extra at bed, etc).

Tina: Candy. A pee pee on the potty dance. Candy. And more candy.

Colleen: My son was doing okay, we were going through 2-3 pair a day. When Christmas came (about 2 months after his third birthday and a month after we started trying potty training), Santa left him a letter that said he had to use the toilet and he would be watching. Not another accident ever. Not even overnight. Thank you Santa.

Elizabeth:  I used the Potty Scotty Kit - Boy Potty Training Doll, Book & DVD, it came with an atomically correct doll and a whole methodical system. It worked perfectly! 

Brenna of Suburban Snapshots:  I asked Anna every 20 minutes. Also, her reward was something she would never, ever have outside of potty training, something really exciting and rare, like gum, or Tic Tacs (don't ask).

11. Get undies with their favorite character. Don't mess with Pull-Ups. Pull-Ups are okay for night time until night dryness has been conquered, but undies - or naked - is the way to go. Since Pull-Ups feel just like a diaper, this really isn't accomplishing anything. You want your child to get used to the nice soft feeling of the undies. And by going naked, they will be more aware of their need to go to the bathroom. I got silly and talked to Edgie in the character's voices asking him to "please not poop or pee on me." He loved that, and pretty soon he was promising not to poop and pee on the characters.

12. Winter and summer are the easiest seasons in which to train. Seriously. Facebook fan Shanni says:  "Go naked. (Why not?...it's summer.)" And in the winter, you're not likely to be going many places anyway. Pick a really cold few days and just stay inside. 

13. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Give them lots of milk and water to drink so they have to go potty. Put the potty seat in the kitchen if you want to. Years ago I saw this television program about a woman who calls herself "The Potty Whisperer." She trains kids in one day by putting the potty in the kitchen, giving them all they want to drink, and making them clean up their own pee. She swears it works. But be careful what you give them to drink, warns Robyn of Hollow Tree Ventures. "With my first, I gave him all the fruit juice he wanted so he'd be motivated to drink (since it was so much sweeter than the milk he was used to). Lessons learned: 1) Too much fruit juice leads to diarrhea. 2) Diarrhea is a great way to make your child terrified of the potty for several more months. Sorry, kid."

14. Poop will happen. But it usually takes time, and kids are usually scared to do it. It may come much later than the peeing. My best tip for tackling this is to leave them completely bottomless and then follow them around. They will start to panic a little when they feel like they have to poop. They may go to their old pooping spot. They may ask you - beg you - for a diaper or undies. Then you scoop them up, put them on the potty, and out the poop will come. Then, a revelation! They will see that pooping on the potty wasn't so scary after all. Worked like a charm for my boys. Sometimes though, a child just can't get bowel trained. This may signal a problem. Talk to your pediatrician about the possibility of a tethered cord. Slim had a tethered spinal cord. He had a surgery to loosen it and was bowel trained shortly after that.

15. Set a timer for your child. Facebook Fan Candy used a Superhero watch and set the timer for every 15 minutes. If they are doing well, set it for every half hour, then every hour. I've been trying to drink more water this summer, so consequently, I have had to go to the bathroom a lot. I just made Edgie go every time I did. Now he's saying, "Come on, Mom. We have to go potty!" Sometimes he just wants me to sit in there with him.

16. Involve the whole family. Let your child sit in the bathroom with Mom and Dad or sit alongside an older brother or sister if they are willing. Dr. Karp says to "gossip" about your child's accomplishments; meaning, let them overhear you telling Daddy or siblings or calling the grandparents to tell them about her potty accomplishment. Better yet, let her call grandma to tell her. Have the whole family do a potty dance and cheer.

17. Have a plan for outings. You're going to have to go out of the house at some point. Please DO NOT go back to diapers! Stick the potty seat in the trunk of your car if you have to. Just because you're done with diapers doesn't mean you won't still have to pack a bag for a while. Bring extra undies and bottoms - maybe even socks and shoes, too - and a plastic bag in case. If you're nervous or unsure, put on a Pull-Up or plastic pants over the undies. Know where the bathroom is wherever you go (odds are, when you were pregnant you already familiarized yourself with every bathroom within ten square miles of your house). Don't be scared to leave the house. Janel of 649.133: Girls, the Care and Maintenance of. is a little, but she says, "We're still struggling a little bit with the whole underwear thing when we leave the house, but I see the light!"

18. Don't look back. Many moms agreed, once your child has gone on the potty, don't go back to diapers (maybe only at night until night training is established). You've both worked hard and you can be proud of what you've accomplished. And yes, if you time it right, it CAN be done in a day. Here is an interesting Facebook thread on that subject.

19. Patience and positivity are key! If it doesn't happen all in one day for your child, don't sweat it. Stress Bubbles says:  "PATIENCE. PATIENCE, PATIENCE. Every child is different. So is every Mother's frustration threshold." Never scold your child for having an accident. Just say, "That's okay, it happens. Let's clean it up." Potty learning can happen quickly or it can take time. Either way is okay. You're still doing a great job. Meredith of The Mom of the Year says, " I have no genius, only prayers. My son somehow now uses the toilet, but I'm not sure how we got there."

It will happen parents, I promise. And when it does . . .

20. Reward your child. Praise, high fives, hugs, kisses, even a special toy - let your child know he accomplished something big and that you're so proud of him!

New truck and truck undies - such a boy!

So what questions do you still have? What advice can you share? Leave it below and let's discuss.



*This post does contain some affiliate links that will earn me money if you click them and buy something.

Just Another Time Everyone Was Staring at us in Church

Even though we have been going to mass almost every Sunday for the last decade, I have gotten very little out of it. I try to pray, but it seems as if I am always dealing with something else. Someone else, I should say.

I've talked before about how the one hour of mass is just about the most stressful hour of my week. We used to sit in the front row in the hopes that the boys would actually pay attention. That lasted until Edgie started to walk, and he made a beeline for the altar. Literally all I could do was watch in horror as he ran laughing across the altar space while the servers tried to chase him down. And everyone was staring at us. And commented about it later.

Now we sit in the back row in case I need a quick getaway with Edgie. This makes the other boys think they can talk loudly, move about the pew at free will, and - horror of all old school Catholic horrors - rest their bottoms on the pew when they are supposed to be kneeling.

Always a battle.

So yesterday, as soon as we walked into the worship space, the usher asked if we'd like to carry up the gifts (For you non-Catholics, this occurs in the middle of the mass, right before the most important moment of mass. Oh, and they're not really presents, per se, but the bread and wine that become the body and blood of Christ.)

Anyway, I said I'd have to ask my husband, who is always ten steps behind me since I haul ass into the church so we can get our back pew (geez, I am SO my grandma!). I was certain he would say no because he is way smarter than me when it comes to sensing impending disaster.

BUT HE SAID YES! Now, on one hand, I prayed a lot more yesterday than I have prayed in the last ten years' worth of masses. On the flip side, my prayers sounded something like this:

God, please don't let Edgie scream or run up on the altar behind the priests.

God, please don't let Slim say something embarrassing and very loudly. 

God, please don't let Lil' C make those noises he usually makes when he is walking and not paying attention to where he's going.

God, please don't let Knox have a temper tantrum because he doesn't want to walk up with us.

God, please don't let anyone do anything that is going to embarrass us.

Right away, Edgie whined for me to carry him, so I scooped him up, prepared to carry whatever else I had to carry with my other hand. But there were only two things to carry, the bread and the wine. I thought there were at least two more things to carry, but the usher explained that they don't bring those up anymore (see, this is how much I have not been paying attention at mass lately).

So up we went, Lil' C carrying the bread (God, please don't let him sneeze on it), and Slim carrying the wine (God, please don't let him trip and drop the bottle). Slim handed Father the bottle of wine and said, "Presenting the wine." (Oh God, no . . .) Then Lil' C handed him the bread, and Slim said, "And presenting the bread." (There's no stopping him, is there, God?) Then there was some confusion about the way we should all return to our back row pew - some started to go this way, and some that way - but then it was over. Our job in the limelight was done.

So, I went back to my usual telling little boys to sit up straight and get their bottoms off the pew and stop pushing their brother and for goodness sake, please be quiet!!

And I realized that if I was doing that, so was pretty much everyone else I knew, so why was I so worried about everyone looking at us in the first place?

A 12-Step Plan for Surviving Weekly Mass with a Toddler

The squirming, the hitting, the running, the shouting, the laughing, the crying, the utterly chaotic activity confined to a three feet by one foot area. . .

Church-going parents will recognize that I'm talking about Sunday mass with a toddler. There is nothing that strikes fear in the minds of parents more than this hour of the week.

And yet we keep going. Something about atonement for one's sins or Catholic guilt or whatever.

The guilt is what keeps me going back week after week despite the fact that I haven't heard a word of the mass for the past nine and a half years (I didn't even know about the changes to the mass until last week!).

After one hour - just 60 minutes - of time spent confined to a pew with my toddler, I am left a harried, frazzled, mussed-up, nervous, mortified, embarrassed wreck.

Why? Because he runs out of the pew and attempts to ascend the altar no less than a dozen times per mass. He screams in a tone approaching that only dogs can hear approximately 32 times. He wants up and wants down every 2.3 seconds. And he breaks at least one piece of jewelry I am wearing or snags my outfit with his kicking feet.

This is the 2-year-old who is a sweet angel the other 167 hours of the week. But like clockwork, the minute we bow and enter that pew, the devil horns come out.

Always a woman with a plan, I've come up with a 12-step plan to make life easier for those 60 minutes a week.

1. Pack a drink and a snack. Not just any drink and snack, mind you - this has to be carefully considered. No crinkly bags to open, no bowls that can be dropped and spilled. Snacks must be placed in a plastic bag, or better yet, an environmentally friendly spill-proof snack container. And for the love of all that's holy, woman, bring the one sippy cup that doesn't leak!
2. Sit among other families with children. This is kind of a no-brainer. That way, you won't get the sideways head turn, glance-over-the-shoulder, judgy look. No one knows where the chaos is coming from. If a kid screams in a crowded area where other kids are screaming, and no one can tell whose kid it is, does she really make noise? Plus little kids are entertained by each other. That buys you at least an extra 6 minutes of quiet time.
3. Bring some quiet toys and books . . .because you know the snacks will be gone after the first two minutes. Markers and paper are probably a no-no (see: being "asked" to volunteer to clean the church pews), but a writing tablet would work. No books with paper pages that he can rip (like the missalette). Only sturdy board books, preferably with lift-the-flap pages to keep his hands busy. Matchbox cars make too much noise when being driven over the architecturally alluring stone floor. Choose cars with big, soft chunky wheels instead, like a monster truck. Your fellow worshipers will thank you.
4. Plan to get up at least twice - once for a potty break and once to take money up at the children's collection time.
5. Kick yourself for getting up at all. Now all she wants to do is GET OUT OF THE PEW! She had a taste of freedom, and she's not going back!
6. Utilize the grandparents behind you. Encourage him to smile, shake hands, and play peek-a-boo. This will last until the next prayer.
7. Continuously mouth "I'm sorry" to the bald man in front of you. Your toddler can't keep his hands to himself. His head is just so shiny and smooth.
8. Pick her up and let her play with your jewelry. You put on the cheapest, most interesting necklace you have. Let her play with it. You can always go back and get another one from the clearance rack when it breaks and falls into your rack..
9. Go stand with him in the back of the church. It's only a few minutes until communion. You can distract him by looking at the stained-glass windows. Ooo, pretty!
10. Communion time - chug that wine!  Does this one need an explanation? Only one more song until freedom!
11. Busy yourself by collecting all the snacks, sippy cups, books, and toys that you brought and are now scattered all over your pew and the four surrounding ones.
12. Run like hell after the final blessing. This way you will avoid all the pity comments from fellow worshippers such as, "Kid's a screamer, huh?" or "Rough morning?" and my personal favorite, "Enjoy it now because they grow so fast."

Hopefully with these tips, the worst hour of your week will be de-escalated to the status of every other chaotic, busy, adorably embarrassing hour of your week.

9 Things I love About My Two-Year-Old

The older boys are all back in school (oh ma gah- finally!), and I am alone all day with my two-year-old, Edgie.

You guys, I’m totally falling in love with him all over again! He is the Robin to my Batman. The Tonto to my Lone Ranger. The Gilligan to my Skipper (why can’t I think of any girl duos here?).

He is totally my little buddy, and I love it!

 

His toes included!!

To be fair, he’s always been a sweet, easy-going little kid; although he does throw the occasional two-year-old tantrum. And he does get in my way like a small lap dog, sitting on my feet as I blow-dry my hair and crawling into my lap when I am at the computer.

But the things I adore about him far outweigh those little annoyances.

1. He’s totally cool with any type of activity. Whether it’s taking a walk, playing at the park, running errands, watching Sesame Street, or playing with cars while I shower, he never complains.
2. He’s easy to cook for and clean up after. I don’t have to get out a smorgasbord of ingredients and foods for lunch anymore. He’s pretty simple. He eats the same thing for lunch every day; and sometimes, he will even get his own snack (he’s seen how the brothers do it).
3. He’s okay with cuddling next to me if I have to be on the computer. I usually save my computer time for the late afternoon. Oftentimes, he will fall asleep next to me. A good way for him to get in a much-needed nap and give me some quiet time to work.
4. He likes to help me with house work. I love this about two-year-olds! Everything is new and fun and interesting to them. The fact that Edgie loves to imitate adults totally works to my advantage. He’ll put clothes in the dryer, bring me something from the other room, help put toys away, and take clean dishes out of the dishwasher.
5. He suggests outings we should go on. Just the other day, after being stuck inside all morning long, he grabbed his shoes and mine and said, “Go to store?” Okay, sure, I could be up for a little shopping. Get the kid a cookie and he’s golden!
6. While he’s so cute, especially when he’s being naughty, his blatant behavior makes him totally bustable! In the picture below, I was going to the bathroom and right next to me, Edgie was painting the sink, counter, and mirror with soap.  
   
   Umm, hello? I’m right here, Little Dude. When I asked him what he was doing, he adorably replied, “Nuthin.’”
7. He’ll follow me around the house like a little puppy. Since I only have one at home, I’m going to take advantage of the time to get things done. I never really have to worry about where Edgie is because he's usually right next to me. As long as he is in the same room as me, he rarely complains.
8. I’m never bored or lonely. I was worried that after the masses left the house every morning, the lack of chaos would be a little too deafening. But Edgie is interesting enough to keep me entertained, and he’s a really good listener to boot (in fact, I need to watch what I say when I’m driving).
9. He keeps me honest. He’s somewhat of a little backseat driver. “Mommy, buckle your seat belt,” he’ll say as soon as we get in the car. “Mommy, can I have one, too?” He sniffs me out when I’m eating a treat every single time. “Go get brothers?” He’s my timekeeper when I’m engrossed in something else.

I’m really trying not to take advantage of his easy-going nature. Admittedly, I may have just a bit this week because I was working on a project (that I’m so excited to tell you about!) and I had to get it done. Consequently, Edgie and Elmo spent a lot of time together.

But, I’m cherishing this time. I’ve never had just one at home at a time, and it’s pretty cool.

Until it’s not . . .

 

…to be continued.

Bee Yew Tee Tea: Vocabulary Lessons From My Toddler

All of my boys have always been extremely verbal. They talked early and often, and  - I think - their speech was always very clear.

They talk so much, in fact, some days I wish everyone would just shut up for a minute so I can hear myself think.

Edgie, my two year old, is no exception. He is constantly talking, even when he is playing by himself.

I have always tried to teach my boys polite terminology. We say, "toot" instead of "fart" and "bottom" instead of "butt". Correct terms for all body parts replace made up or slang words. So they have a "penis" and not a "wiener" and "testicles" instead of "balls".

When riding in the car, we listen to kids' music or classical music so they don't pick up any words or slang terms that they have no business knowing (and I don't have to explain).

It's worked pretty well so far.

But damn the crude humor that comes with Nickelodeon and Disney XD shows and the little boys who think it's hilarious!

The other day, I overheard a conversation Edgie was having with himself while playing with cars. He was babbling, but I heard snippets of "Uncle Bob's boat" and "Okoboji water park".

And then, "Bee Yew Tee Tea."

"Did he just spell 'butt'?" asked Hubby.

"No," I said, "it had to be something else."

"Bee Yew Tee Tea, Bee Yew Tee Tea," sang Edgie.

"He's spelling 'butt,"" Hubby declared.

"Edgie's spelling 'BUTT'!" Explosive laughter from the other room. And then cute smiles and more laughter from Edgie and more, "Bee Yew Tee Tea."

The older boys now think it's hilarious to teach their two year old brother the crude words that they think are funny.

"Hey Edgie, is that your butt?" asks the 8-year-old, laughing.

"Do not teach him to say b-u-t-t!" I scold.

"Bee Yew Tee Tea, Bee Yew Tee Tea," sings Edgie.

"MOM! Don't teach Edgie to say BUTT!" the 9-year-old scolds.

My sister laughed at me last weekend when I saw her. She remembers how I wouldn't let her kids, who are much older than mine, call each other "buttheads" in front of my kids. So they jokingly called each other "bottomheads." I told her about Edgie's nightly ritual, which, as if on cue, he performed in front of her.

After his bath while getting his pajamas on, he pats his little boy package. "This my penis?" He asks.

"Yes it is," I answer knowing what the next question will be.

"What's this?" He asks, reaching around to his backside.

"It's your bottom," I say, bracing myself.

"No, it's my BUTT!" He says, giggling in his little toddler voice, and again, explosive big brother laughter from the next bedroom.

And thanks to the commercials for Kids Bop 729, he knows how to sing "Poppin' Tags," too. "This a feakin' awesome," he sings and giggles.

I'm just hoping that come fall, he won't be "that kid" at preschool who teaches all the other two year olds naughty words. If that happens, I think I'm going to be meeting a lot of the other moms rather quickly!

Have your kids picked up any words you don't want them to say? Please tell me yes.