Why I Talk to My Kids About the Hard Stuff

For Christmas 2008, Hubby thought it would be a good idea to buy two mini swimming frogs for Joey and Slim. I don't even remember their names (maybe Hopper was one), but they lived in a tiny tank in the middle of our kitchen table for two years.

In an act of complete cruel irony, the smaller one that "belonged" to Joey (I'm thinking that was Hopper), died just four days before Joey did. It had been looking sick and not growing well; so just like Joey's, we knew its death was inevitable.

It was the perfect opportunity to practice talking to our sons about death. Hubby had been to a therapist and learned about tools for talking to children (like this excellent book, The Fall of Freddie the Leaf ), while I was the person who couldn't even talk to my small children about a squished squirrel in the street, much less their brother dying.

A year before Joey's fatal diagnosis, when he, his baby brother, and I were at a mall during a tragic mass shooting, I still couldn't talk to my children about what had happened to us.

I believed that by NOT talking to my children about the hard stuff of life I would be protecting them from it. 

What a fool I was.

In the days leading to this fourth anniversary of the tragic Sandy Hook school shooting, I've had conversations with my sons (ages 12, 11, 9, and 5) about public shootings - malls, churches, movie theaters, and schools. We talked about them being an occurrence in the world in which we live. We talked about how, though they happen, they are rare. We talked about knowing where exits are, knowing when to hide and when to run. We talked about bullying and how many people who carry out these attacks have felt bullied in their lives. We talked until their eyes glazed over and my twelve-year-old ASD child began to feel uncomfortable at the reality of it all.

It was hard, but I owe it to them. I owe it to them because I know firsthand that bad things can and do happen in life, and that we have to be prepared.

Please read my latest post on Her View From Home in which I give some tips and links for talking to our children about these tough topics. We can always pray we never need them; but if we don't give them, it may be too late one day.

Read the post here and join the discussion on Facebook.

*This post contains an affiliate link. 

Teaching Kids Fire Safety: A Parent's Peace of Mind

My boys were tiny when we lived on Long Island. I had three under the age of two.

It was actually Joey's idea - of course- that everyone crawl in here with Knox.

But that didn't stop me from going places - I had to! One of my frequent destinations was Target (naturally). To get to the Target, I had to drive about 20 minutes up the Meadowbrook State Parkway, which was surrounded on both sides by water for part of the distance.

As I drove, I would wonder what I would do if my van ever plunged over the side of the expressway and into the water. How would I get everyone out of the van? I don't think that made me crazy, just a typical mom who worries about the safety of her children ALL.THE.TIME. Planning things out just gives us peace of mind, right?

I never did figure out a plan for getting the baby out of the car seat, unbuckling the toddlers, and swimming us all to safety. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it now.

Our boys are older now, and we have definitely taught them ways to keep themselves safe. Stranger danger? Kick, scream, and run. Water safety? Wear a life jacket, never swim alone, and keep taking swim lessons (that's one of Mom's "non-negotiable" items). Fire safety? Exit the house immediately and meet the family in our designated spot.

Easy peasy.

Until, that is, my ten-year-old and I watched this FEMA/NFPA fire safety video, and we realized that we only have one planned escape route out of our house.

This video, called "What's that Sound?"  by Recess Monkey is geared toward second and third graders. It reminds your kids to "move their feet when they hear that beep." But it also talked about knowing two ways out, which is so important. I know my boys would panic if their main exit was blocked. When we finish building our new house, we will definitely go over all possible escape routes with the boys.

Another video, called "Little Rosalie" by Steve Songs, was actually my favorite of the two.


Geared toward pre-k to first graders, it goes over the four steps you should take after hearing the fire alarm. The tune is catchy, the four steps are repeated several times, and it made my boys want to create a big chart illustrating our escape plan (put that on the list of things to do!).

There are more videos, songs, stories, games, interactive e-books, and lesson plans for teachers on the website Sparky's Schoolhouse. This site is a wealth of information to everyone from parents to teachers to homeschooling mamas. If you need a fun and interactive way to teach any child about fire safety, this is place to be. You can never be too safe when it comes to anything concerning your child - fire especially!

This comes close to my heart, as we had a small fire at our house last fall. Luckily, it did not get out of control, I was the only one home at the time, and a quick thinking (and smelling) neighbor alerted me to the danger; but if it had happened while we were all sleeping, it could have gotten out of control very quickly.

Fire safety isn't something to mention once and then never again. A fire can happen to anyone. I just donated money to the family of a long time Kissing the Frog fan who lost their home and belongings in a fire. Show your kids the website, sing the songs, do the activities. You - and your peace of mind - will thank me for it later.

*And I thank WeAreTeachers, FEMA, and NFPA for sponsoring this post in which all of the opinions were my own.

We Were Blessed Today (Fire Safety is No Joke)

It was one of those mornings. Sundays make me stabby anyway. The boys always complain about going to mass, and trying to wrangle them into appropriate church clothing is next to impossible.

Then, sixty minutes of "get off me" and "he's touching me" and me hissing "BE QUIET!" and the two year old loudly asking "church over yet?"

Back at home the battle over hanging up the church clothes and completing Monday's homework and picking up the messes from the weekend begins. I was under a writing deadline, and I had to have some time to myself to finish a project.

Yet, I was battling with little boys over things they should have just known to do.

Finally - finally - at 3:00 p.m. Hubby took them to his sister's to play with their cousins, and I settled in with my laptop.

But then,  I thought, 'What is that smell? It smells like something is burning.'

My mind went through every scenario - nothing was in the oven or the dryer. Did I leave my flat iron on? Even if I had, it turns off automatically after a while. My laptop wasn't overheating. I had to work, so I foolishly ignored it.

And then came the bangs on my front door, which I ignored because I thought it was the boys coming back from their cousins' house. Suddenly, I saw a barefoot man quickly run into my backyard and run back out. Something was definitely up.

I opened the front door, immediately smelled the smoke, and heard someone say, "....house is on fire." Oh my god, my neighbor's house is on fire. <---It had to be hers, it couldn't be ours.

Only, it was our house. And thank goodness, the neighbors had seen it and come running.

We have a lovely outdoor fireplace. For the past three years, it has been a source of joy and comfort and family bonding for us. My husband is teaching the older two boys how to stoke the fire and add logs safely. They love helping.

Saturday the whole family raked leaves and worked hard to clean up the yard. After dinner, we started a fire and all cuddled up together around the fireplace. We've been reading the Harry Potter series, and it feels like the one time we all get along and actually want to be together.

Yesterday, evidently, Hubby did something he never usually does - he cleaned out the fireplace, and tossed the ashes and logs on top of the leaves in the yard waste container. You see, it is going to rain all week here, so we won't be having a fire any time soon.

Evidently, the embers weren't quite cool from the night before, and combined with the dry leaves we had raked up the previous day, they began smoking again, and caught fire. The fire was climbing its way up the side of our garage. Had our neighbors not seen it, it would have been much worse.

I thought the firefighters would lecture me, but they were really quite nice. They said that this actually happens quite a bit this time of year. People, like Hubby, are eager to clean up their yards, and dry leaves can make kindling. The Chief suggested waiting longer than 24 hours to clean out the fireplace or firepit. And certainly not putting it next the house mixed with leaves. He suggested also looking for steam or smoke coming from the logs, and making sure that the wood is wet and cold.

 More fire safety tips from the website smokeybear.com:

1. Allow the wood to burn completely to ash, if possible
2. Pour lots of water on the fire, drown ALL embers, not just the red ones
3. Pour until hissing sound stops
4. Stir the campfire ashes and embers with a shovel
5. Scrape the sticks and logs to remove any embers
6. Stir and make sure everything is wet and they are cold to the touch
7. If you do not have water, use dirt. Mix enough dirt or sand with the embers. Continue adding and stirring until all material is cool.

Hubby felt pretty bad - it was a momentary lapse of judgment on his part. He just wanted to get the fireplace cleaned out. Now we have a huge mess on the side of our house to clean up and some boards of siding to repair and repaint.

But, the bigger picture is, at least we were safe and there was not more significant damage. We were blessed, as a friend reminded me.

Truly, tragedy can happen in the blink of an eye, and not just to someone who is simply being careless. Even if you think you've done everything right, it is worth it to check and double check again.

Fire safety is no joke.