We Were Blessed Today (Fire Safety is No Joke)

It was one of those mornings. Sundays make me stabby anyway. The boys always complain about going to mass, and trying to wrangle them into appropriate church clothing is next to impossible.

Then, sixty minutes of "get off me" and "he's touching me" and me hissing "BE QUIET!" and the two year old loudly asking "church over yet?"

Back at home the battle over hanging up the church clothes and completing Monday's homework and picking up the messes from the weekend begins. I was under a writing deadline, and I had to have some time to myself to finish a project.

Yet, I was battling with little boys over things they should have just known to do.

Finally - finally - at 3:00 p.m. Hubby took them to his sister's to play with their cousins, and I settled in with my laptop.

But then,  I thought, 'What is that smell? It smells like something is burning.'

My mind went through every scenario - nothing was in the oven or the dryer. Did I leave my flat iron on? Even if I had, it turns off automatically after a while. My laptop wasn't overheating. I had to work, so I foolishly ignored it.

And then came the bangs on my front door, which I ignored because I thought it was the boys coming back from their cousins' house. Suddenly, I saw a barefoot man quickly run into my backyard and run back out. Something was definitely up.

I opened the front door, immediately smelled the smoke, and heard someone say, "....house is on fire." Oh my god, my neighbor's house is on fire. <---It had to be hers, it couldn't be ours.

Only, it was our house. And thank goodness, the neighbors had seen it and come running.

We have a lovely outdoor fireplace. For the past three years, it has been a source of joy and comfort and family bonding for us. My husband is teaching the older two boys how to stoke the fire and add logs safely. They love helping.

Saturday the whole family raked leaves and worked hard to clean up the yard. After dinner, we started a fire and all cuddled up together around the fireplace. We've been reading the Harry Potter series, and it feels like the one time we all get along and actually want to be together.

Yesterday, evidently, Hubby did something he never usually does - he cleaned out the fireplace, and tossed the ashes and logs on top of the leaves in the yard waste container. You see, it is going to rain all week here, so we won't be having a fire any time soon.

Evidently, the embers weren't quite cool from the night before, and combined with the dry leaves we had raked up the previous day, they began smoking again, and caught fire. The fire was climbing its way up the side of our garage. Had our neighbors not seen it, it would have been much worse.

I thought the firefighters would lecture me, but they were really quite nice. They said that this actually happens quite a bit this time of year. People, like Hubby, are eager to clean up their yards, and dry leaves can make kindling. The Chief suggested waiting longer than 24 hours to clean out the fireplace or firepit. And certainly not putting it next the house mixed with leaves. He suggested also looking for steam or smoke coming from the logs, and making sure that the wood is wet and cold.

 More fire safety tips from the website smokeybear.com:

1. Allow the wood to burn completely to ash, if possible
2. Pour lots of water on the fire, drown ALL embers, not just the red ones
3. Pour until hissing sound stops
4. Stir the campfire ashes and embers with a shovel
5. Scrape the sticks and logs to remove any embers
6. Stir and make sure everything is wet and they are cold to the touch
7. If you do not have water, use dirt. Mix enough dirt or sand with the embers. Continue adding and stirring until all material is cool.

Hubby felt pretty bad - it was a momentary lapse of judgment on his part. He just wanted to get the fireplace cleaned out. Now we have a huge mess on the side of our house to clean up and some boards of siding to repair and repaint.

But, the bigger picture is, at least we were safe and there was not more significant damage. We were blessed, as a friend reminded me.

Truly, tragedy can happen in the blink of an eye, and not just to someone who is simply being careless. Even if you think you've done everything right, it is worth it to check and double check again.

Fire safety is no joke.

The Real "Problem" with Older Moms

It is such a problem being an older mom! Having babies after age 35 sucks. If I could give you a piece of advice, it would simply be this: don't do it! Here are reasons why~

1. Older moms are career obsessed. Why would any child want to have a positive female role model raising them? Smarts, drive, success, passion for something you love? Who wants to learn all those things by example?

2. Older moms have lots of money. Too much money, in fact, after so many childless working years. They might tend to spoil their children with all this extra money they have lying around.

3. They are too old and stiff to play on the floor with their kids. Everyone knows that younger moms make better playmates.

4. They are super uncool and so out of touch with current media and trends. You know what they said in the 1960s: "Don't trust anyone over 30!" That still applies today.

5. Not everyone can live in New York. It's true. Moms in New York are actually considered young if they are under 40, according to my friend Anna of Random Handprints. If you are planning on being an older mom, you should move to New York so you can feel young.

Okay, okay, I'm being facetious here, and I actually can't think of any other ridiculous reasons not to have a baby in your 30's and 40's.

But England can. There is a new ad campaign making a buzz today. It is a picture of a 40-something reporter dressed to look like a 70 year old pregnant mom. Take a look.

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The purpose of this ad is to make women consider having babies at a younger age. Excuse me, what? Consider it?

I considered it a lot in my twenties and thirties. I considered it so much that it made my uterus hurt. I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. If I could have planned it the way I really wanted it, I would have been married at age 24 and popping out babies by age 25.

But that's not exactly the way it worked out for me. Or millions of other women for that matter.

I am sure that there are women who purposely delay having babies so they can build a career, make money, and feel ready. Nothing wrong with that. If everyone would wait until they are ready to have a baby, we would have a lot less issues in health care, in education, and in society in general.

On one hand, I can see the purpose of this ad. The older parents are when they conceive, the more problems they tend to have - fertility issues, miscarriages, still births, children born with birth defects, Down Syndrome, and the higher likelihood of an Autism diagnosis down the road - among other issues - all of which potentially drive up health care and education costs for the public.

From a short conversation on my Facebook page, it's clear that many women simply didn't have the luck of the draw, so to speak, to plan when they had their babies. I know I didn't. I married Hubby when we were 31, and we experienced fertility issues. I didn't plan on ever having a baby over the age of 40, but I was blessed with one.

The harder having a baby is when you're older, some would say you appreciate it more, you are more ready for the challenges of becoming a parent. Do I worry about not being around for my sons' graduations and weddings and babies? Absolutely. But there's not much I can do about that other than take care of myself and hope I'm healthy in 20 years.

Do I think older moms are better than younger moms? Depends on the person, really. My twenty year old hairdresser is probably one of the best moms I've ever talked to, confident and secure and doing everything she can for her baby.

I've known women who have gotten pregnant out of wedlock and given up their babies. I've known women who have had abortions. I've known moms who married and had babies in their early twenties, and I've known moms who have had their first baby at age 42.

And do you know what the problem is with all of these moms, not just the older ones? We allow society to make us feel guilty for our choices, whether they are ones we have consciously made or ones that were made for us by default.

Being older or younger.

Natural childbirth or drug assisted.

Breast or bottle feeding.

Co-sleeping or crying it out.

Potty training earlier or later.

Cloth or disposable diapers.

Private or public school.

Sports or academics.

And the list just goes on and on and on.

We all do the best we can. Sometimes we have all the information and sometimes we go with our gut. Sometimes we still get it wrong and sometimes we find success.

This ad didn't bother me at all. I didn't purposely choose to be an older mom. And yes, I faced infertility, miscarriages, and medical conditions with my children.

But I'm handling it, and I have the good fortune to have a partner who is handling with me.

One comment that came up over and over on the Facebook discussion was that the moms wouldn't trade all they'd been through - the loss, the problems, the pain and heartbreak that sometimes comes with being an older mom. The bottom line is that most moms see their children as blessings no matter their age or abilities or how much it took for us to get them, whether we birthed them, adopted them, or foster them.

If this ad was meant to "guilt" women into anything, I say, don't let it. Don't let guilt be a problem for moms of any age.

I think we're all doing just fine. Don't you?

I'm A Mom of the Year!

I am absolutely thrilled to be a guest today over at my friend Meredith's blog, The Mom of the Year. She is one of those people I have gotten to know online that I cannot wait to meet in person.

She is sweet, funny, and most importantly - real. Her blog name is kind of an oxymoron. She will be the first to admit that she does not have it all together; but with her darling little family, she does have it all. You may remember her from her guest post here about a month ago called In with the Cool Crowd.

She is inviting guests to a series of posts called - drum roll . . .

Aww, shucks. My first real trophy for this lifetime gig.

I'm over there today talking about how it took that certain tragic event in our lives for me to realize that I didn't have to be a perfect mom; heck, I didn't even have to pretend anymore.

 

Well, what are you waiting for? Head over to The Mom of the Year to read Moms of the Year: In it Together.

 

Look around a bit while you're there. I guarantee you'll love Meredith's blog!