The other day I had to take Slim to the doctor to see about an eye infection (no pun intended). When he stepped on the scale, the nurse announced that he weighed 44.4 pounds (yes, he's eight, and he weighs one pound more than my four-year-old...but that's another post).
My skin tingled when she gave the number. I've mentioned previously that the number 444 is one of my "signs" from Joey. It made me pause, and wonder what he was trying to tell me.
Later that afternoon, I received a phone call from my friend, Liz. She had tickets to psychic medium Rebecca Rosen's show that she could not use and wanted to know if I could.
Once again, my skin tingled. Joey wanted me to be there.
Of course I said yes, and later told Hubby I was going. To my surprise, my skeptical, left-brained, scientific thinking, psychology major husband said he'd like to go with me.
All afternoon yesterday I felt sick to my stomach. Anticipation and nerves were getting the better of me. But as per my usual M.O., I was thinking I had a little more than a snowball's chance in hell of actually hearing from Joey, or having Rebecca pick me to read.
Our seats were right by the stage, and as I looked around the auditorium filled with people, I was wondering how many of them desperately needed to hear from a loved one as well.
And how many of them would walk away disappointed.
Rebecca began the show by asking the audience to close their eyes and do some deep breathing. She asked us to imagine a white light that, with each breath, was entering our bodies. As it moved in and down, it was taking the stress of the day away as well as any fear or doubt we might have about this experience.
Before she began the readings, she asked us to remember that we wouldn't all get read. There were about 1,000 people in the theater, each inevitably with more than one spirit trying to get in contact with them.
With that she began the show. I was surprised by her methods. I thought she would zero in on people, but instead she gave more of a general description and then people would shout out if that fit their loved one. Through a series of questions and answers, she would determine if this was a person's loved one and what their message was. It was all much more general than I had expected.
For two hours the show went on as she "read" clusters of people around the auditorium. The clusters came from spirits "piggybacking" on each other if you will.
She was finally on our side of the auditorium, reading the group of people behind us. This was it - by the mere process, she had to hear Joey too, because she was so close. Sitting next to Hubby and me was a woman we know who lost her young husband very suddenly two months before Joey died. Oddly enough, even though I didn't know him well, I had a very vivid dream one time that he and Joey were together, laughing and having fun. His name begins with J as well. Surely he would help Joey get through.
Rebecca finished with the people behind us, and then said she was getting a name that began with J. My heart jumped into my throat, as I'm sure J's wife's did as well.
But then she said a different name and description, and she was off to the other side of the auditorium again.
And all too soon, the night, and the readings, were over.
I felt sad and crestfallen, but not surprised. Hubby and I discussed the show the whole way home. Rebecca gave a lot of general descriptions, made a lot of general assumptions, and people grasped at straws to make those descriptions fit. J's wife even said this show didn't have the "wow" factor that her spring show had.
Toward the end, Rebecca had said something about a dentist (Hubby is a DDS, although that is not his specialty), something about the number 23 (Hubby's and Baby E's birthdays fall on the 23), something about the letters JR (Joey's middle name begins with R), something about a Make-A-Wish trip (although she surmised it had not been taken, and we went on Joey's), and something that was in someone's purse (I had Joey's beloved stuffed cat, Stripey Kitten, in my purse) that turned out to be ashes.
Some of these signs were left open-ended, and I am left to wonder. I could have raised my hand. I could have made them fit. But not one child spirit came to her; well, one did, but he was a baby, part of a group of spirits.
The question I'm left with now is: do I believe?
My answer isn't as clear as it has been. The way it was done last night...no, I don't believe. While there were a few amazing connections, most of it was just assumption and vague generality. As Hubby pointed out, she had the ability to look at someone and say, for example, do you have a tattoo of such and such or do you ride motorcycles or hunt? She could see tattoos and make stereotyped assumptions based on a person's look. The skeptic in me thinks this might have been the case at times.
But the believer in me still wants to do a private or semi-private reading. Because, yes, I do believe.
I want to believe.
I need to believe.
I need to believe that my dear precious Joey is more than a dead body rotting in a grave. I need to believe that there is a meeting place, an afterlife, somewhere that I can join him again.
I need to believe that he hasn't really left us; that perhaps, if I try hard enough, I can still feel his warm, soft hugs and be inspired by his wonderful laugh and vivacious nature.
I just want to know if I can believe.
She also said at one point that even if we didn't get read, something drew us there last night. Our loved ones wanted us to be there. That struck a chord in me as I thought about my 444 experience the previous day.
She also talked a lot about the circle of life, as many people were either pregnant or had babies after their loved ones were gone. And I thought of sweet Baby E, who is showing that he has more than a bit of Joey's vivacious, happy nature.
She was on a local radio station yesterday morning, so this morning I frantically searched the stations for her again, hoping to call in as a last-ditch effort, but I had no luck.
I guess now, I need to put my name on her 3-year wait list and start saving anywhere from $275 to $500 for a private reading. Or perhaps convince ten of my friends to divvy up the $4,500 fee for a group reading.
Or maybe, I can do as she suggests and just open my heart and mind and ask my spirit guides to bring Joey to me in my dreams and look for him in my daily encounters.
But is that enough for me? I guess time will tell.
Do you believe in spirits? Have you ever consulted a psychic or had a reading? Did you think it was accurate?