8/02/2012

My Semi-Medium Encounter

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The other day I had to take Slim to the doctor to see about an eye infection (no pun intended).  When he stepped on the scale, the nurse announced that he weighed 44.4 pounds (yes, he's eight, and he weighs one pound more than my four-year-old...but that's another post).

My skin tingled when she gave the number. I've mentioned previously that the number 444 is one of my "signs" from Joey.  It made me pause, and wonder what he was trying to tell me.

Later that afternoon, I received a phone call from my friend, Liz.  She had tickets to psychic medium Rebecca Rosen's show that she could not use and wanted to know if I could.

Once again, my skin tingled. Joey wanted me to be there.

Of course I said yes, and later told Hubby I was going.  To my surprise, my skeptical, left-brained, scientific thinking, psychology major husband said he'd like to go with me.

All afternoon yesterday I felt sick to my stomach.  Anticipation and nerves were getting the better of me.  But as per my usual M.O., I was thinking I had a little more than a snowball's chance in hell of actually hearing from Joey, or having Rebecca pick me to read.

Our seats were right by the stage, and as I looked around the auditorium filled with people, I was wondering how many of them desperately needed to hear from a loved one as well.

And how many of them would walk away disappointed.

Rebecca began the show by asking the audience to close their eyes and do some deep breathing.  She asked us to imagine a white light that, with each breath, was entering our bodies.  As it moved in and down, it was taking the stress of the day away as well as any fear or doubt we might have about this experience.

Before she began the readings, she asked us to remember that we wouldn't all get read.  There were about 1,000 people in the theater, each inevitably with more than one spirit trying to get in contact with them.

With that she began the show.  I was surprised by her methods.  I thought she would zero in on people, but instead she gave more of a general description and then people would shout out if that fit their loved one.  Through a series of questions and answers, she would determine if this was a person's loved one and what their message was.  It was all much more general than I had expected.

For two hours the show went on as she "read" clusters of people around the auditorium.  The clusters came from spirits "piggybacking" on each other if you will. 

She was finally on our side of the auditorium, reading the group of people behind us.  This was it - by the mere process, she had to hear Joey too, because she was so close.  Sitting next to Hubby and me was a woman we know who lost her young husband very suddenly two months before Joey died.  Oddly enough, even though I didn't know him well, I had a very vivid dream one time that he and Joey were together, laughing and having fun.  His name begins with J as well.  Surely he would help Joey get through.

Rebecca finished with the people behind us, and then said she was getting a name that began with J.  My heart jumped into my throat, as I'm sure J's wife's did as well.

But then she said a different name and description, and she was off to the other side of the auditorium again.

And all too soon, the night, and the readings, were over.

I felt sad and crestfallen, but not surprised.  Hubby and I discussed the show the whole way home.  Rebecca gave a lot of general descriptions, made a lot of general assumptions, and people grasped at straws to make those descriptions fit.  J's wife even said this show didn't have the "wow" factor that her spring show had.

Toward the end, Rebecca had said something about a dentist (Hubby is a DDS, although that is not his specialty), something about the number 23 (Hubby's and Baby E's birthdays fall on the 23), something about the letters JR (Joey's middle name begins with R), something about a Make-A-Wish trip (although she surmised it had not been taken, and we went on Joey's), and something that was in someone's purse (I had Joey's beloved stuffed cat, Stripey Kitten, in my purse) that turned out to be ashes.

Some of these signs were left open-ended, and I am left to wonder.  I could have raised my hand.  I could have made them fit.  But not one child spirit came to her; well, one did, but he was a baby, part of a group of spirits.

The question I'm left with now is: do I believe? 

My answer isn't as clear as it has been.  The way it was done last night...no, I don't believe.  While there were a few amazing connections, most of it was just assumption and vague generality.  As Hubby pointed out, she had the ability to look at someone and say, for example, do you have a tattoo of such and such or do you ride motorcycles or hunt?  She could see tattoos and make stereotyped assumptions based on a person's look.  The skeptic in me thinks this might have been the case at times.

But the believer in me still wants to do a private or semi-private reading.  Because, yes, I do believe. 

I want to believe.

I need to believe.

I need to believe that my dear precious Joey is more than a dead body rotting in a grave.  I need to believe that there is a meeting place, an afterlife, somewhere that I can join him again.

I need to believe that he hasn't really left us; that perhaps, if I try hard enough, I can still feel his warm, soft hugs and be inspired by his wonderful laugh and vivacious nature.

I just want to know if I can believe.

She also said at one point that even if we didn't get read, something drew us there last night.  Our loved ones wanted us to be there.  That struck a chord in me as I thought about my 444 experience the previous day.

She also talked a lot about the circle of life, as many people were either pregnant or had babies after their loved ones were gone.  And I thought of sweet Baby E, who is showing that he has more than a bit of Joey's vivacious, happy nature.

She was on a local radio station yesterday morning, so this morning I frantically searched the stations for her again, hoping to call in as a last-ditch effort, but I had no luck.

I guess now, I need to put my name on her 3-year wait list and start saving anywhere from $275 to $500 for a private reading.  Or perhaps convince ten of my friends to divvy up the $4,500 fee for a group reading.

Or maybe, I can do as she suggests and just open my heart and mind and ask my spirit guides to bring Joey to me in my dreams and look for him in my daily encounters.

But is that enough for me?  I guess time will tell.


Do you believe in spirits?  Have you ever consulted a psychic or had a reading?  Did you think it was accurate?

14 comments:

  1. I have never been to a reading and I don't know how I feel about psychics but I do believe in spirits and I do feel like there are things they do to send us messages. It sounds corny but the day of Rocco's memorial service, I was so distraught...didn't know how I was going to get through the day. It was December 23 and a cardinal showed up on the tree outside my window. For some reason, it just felt like it was looking at me. Now when I see a cardinal, I think it is Rocco telling me he is okay or he is thinking of us. I absolutely think 444 is Joey talking to you. I feel the same way. I need to believe that there is more out there. See, I did a blog post on your comments so don't feel bad. :)

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, AnnMarie. A cardinal in the winter seems extraordinary. How beautiful. What a beautiful way for him to tell you hello! :)

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  2. Tears and hugs, Kathy. While I've never experienced a tragedy like yours, I do believe in spirits. Good spirits. I think Joey watches you and your family daily.

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    1. Rebecca said last night that she only asks for the good spirits bearing good messages. It's really what anyone who is grieving wants to hear. I know if I opened my heart and mind a little more I might see more messages.

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  3. I too would love to go to a psychic reading but I'm afraid of what I wouldn't hear. Your honesty about your experience is one that I think anyone who didn't feel like they recieved a direct message would walk away with. I think you probably had your reading before the "show" in little messages that we sometimes miss. Like you said, it's the little things all day that made you remember your little guy and his spirit. Sometimes it's the stillness in a busy day, the familiar giggle from another or the unexpected calm that comes over us that can give us more comformation that our loved ones are still with us than any psychic ever could. You don't need another person to comfirm what you already know to be true. I feel if we believe in the spirit of our loved ones they will come to us in many different forms to remind us of our time together. You're a brave Lady to expose yourself to heartache again. Believe in your signs they're sent for a reason.

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    1. Love, love your thoughts, MJ. Thank you so much for sharing them. They are comforting to me. :)

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  4. That had to be both frustrating and anticipatory - wanting to find something out and having it not happen. I've done some reading type stuff in the past and never really felt a connection/answer. Until this last November when I was at a party where they were doing readings and really felt the information coming my way was right on. It's interesting, that's for sure.

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    1. You are right on in how you described it - frustrating and anticipatory.

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  5. I just left a long comment and it didn't take for some reason. DRAT! It had to be frustrating to not hear anything after going there and getting those signs. I would totally do a private reading. Totally. No question about it.

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    1. Yep, it got through! And yeah, I think I need the private reading.

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  6. Dear Kathy, As a mom who also lost a child, I understand your need to connect with your child still. I lost my oldest daughter in a car crash in 2007. Cady was only 16, she was killed when another 16 year old girl ran a red light. I remember after she died going to the grocery store and putting her favorite foods in the cart, not realizing that I did not need them anymore until I got to the checkout. I remember the physical pain that I felt three weeks after her death because I had not smelled her, hugged her or heard her voice. It is difficult to explain the loss of caring for a child that you loose suddenly when it was your life to care for her. I know you understand how I feel.

    I am a devote Catholic and believe that Cady is with God. I believe that I will see her again when I earn my spot in Heaven. I do see her in my everyday. The night that Cady died she left us a message, she was in a coma after the crash, her Dad and I stayed by her side all night and said the things that a parent should say to their child when they know she is dying. About an hour before she died, my husband looked down and there was a heart, a heart of blood on the linen. It was as if she was sending all of the love back to us. Ever since that moment we see hearts everywhere! Milk spills, lotion squirts, melting snow...a million hearts in five years! I have no question in my soul that Cady still resides with me. I feel her! Joey is 444, Cady is hearts.

    My husband and I have talked about spending money to see John Edwards or Rebecca and have decided against it. What could they possibly say to us that Cady has not already said with her heart. I would love 5 more minutes with her, the physics cannot give me that. I think you need to do what you feel is right but maybe Joey was telling you that you do not need it either, you know he is there. God bless you!

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    1. Oh Shari I do know how you feel, and I think I know your story. I think perhaps I just want validation for the things I think are true. I want a psychic to confirm the things that I believe are Joey's signs. And I want to believe without a doubt in heaven again. I'm slowly coming around, knowing that awful things happen to other people too. My mama heart is sending yours a great big hug. Thank you for your beautiful thoughtful comments.

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  7. Anne Jeffries Collins8/9/12, 11:15 AM

    Kathy....I always love reading your posts! After my Mom died (a little over 3 years now) I went to see Rebecca for a private reading, and quite honestly, it was the best thing I've ever done. I do believe, and there were things that Rebecca said that no one (not even my Mom) knew about me. I was determined not to give her hints, tell her info that would lead her into where I wanted to go. She was amazing, and it was a truly fulfilling and uplifting experience. I hope you decide to do it...I think it will bring a different type of closure (if there is such a thing) to some of your thoughts and feelings. Best of luck and keep writing!

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    1. I'm so glad you got some fulfillment and closure from seeing Rebecca. I know that I really should do a private reading. It's so hard in a group setting because everyone is there for the same purpose and trying to make everything she says fit their situation.

      Thanks for your kind words, Anne!

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