15 Universal Truths About Boys

I knew when I was merely 11 weeks pregnant that I was going to have two – TWO – boys.

Boys? I thought. Aren't they messy and dirty? Don't they like bugs and snakes and sports?

As a girly-girl, I had no idea what to do with little boys. Honestly? They scared me a little.

Fast forward eleven years and five – yes, FIVE – boys later. You can officially call me a boy mom. I have drunk the juice. I laugh at fart humor, have been known to burp the loudest at the table, and can name every kind of construction vehicle known to man.

I have boys, and there’s nothing gross or scary about them.

Well, maybe a few things. But there are also lots of wonderful things about them, too. I have compiled a list for you of the universal truths about boys.

  1. Baby boys will pee on you – a lot. In your eye, in your hair, on your clothes.
  2. Little boys will pee on your house – a lot. On your walls, on your floor, on the carpet.
  3. Big boys will pee anywhere they feel like it – a lot. In the snow, in your yard, in the alley, on the sidewalk, on the floor of the frat house.
  4. Your house and car are going to smell like pee. They will also smell like feet, body odor, moldy food, and one more scent you will never be able to identify.
  5. Boys destroy furniture. And walls and carpet and toys and cars. If you’re fortunate enough to be able to buy new ones, good for you. If not, surround yourself with other boy parents who have ruined furniture, walls, carpet, toys, and cars. They get it.
  6. Boys are tactile. They have to touch everything. EVERYTHING! Just know this before you take them to the store with you or to Great Aunt Edna’s museum house.
  7. On the same day boys tell you that you look like you have another baby in your tummy, they will tell you that you look beautiful all dressed up. This is okay. It is the precursor to raising sweet, honest men.
  8. Boys will not want you to kiss them in public. Don't be offended by this, because they will have no problem holding your hand and cuddling with you while you watch a movie at home.
  9. Boys will always answer “How was your day?” with “Fine.” Just “fine.” But later, when you didn't even ask, they will tell you a detail about their day that will make you smile, laugh, cry, or be extremely concerned.
  10. Boys will always want their moms first – for finding something that is lost, for wiping their bottoms, for complaining about their siblings, for making their lunch. They will also want to tell you first about a part of their day that made them proud.
  11. Boys grow up to be men who think their mothers are crazy. Because we are. We have spent years worrying about them, when they knew they were fine all along.
  12. Boys grow up to be men who still want their mother’s approval. Many a man waited until he had just the right girl to bring home to Mom (including my man).
  13. Boys grow up to be men who are humbled by your love and support. They start to let you hug them in public again.
  14. Boys grow up to be men who take care of their moms if they need it (you've read Robert Munsch’s Love You Forever, right?).
  15. As much as they don't want to admit it, boys love their moms. They love when you cuddle with them and read to them. They love when you play cars or bake with them. They love it when you get their corsage for Homecoming, and they love when you cheer for them at games. They love when you are proud of them and accept their friends. They know you will always be their biggest supporter. Their first female superhero who kicks ass. 

Although I get sad at times that I don't have a little girl to dress up and take to dance lessons and plan a wedding with, I do have boys. I have boys who have shown me a different side of life I never thought I would enjoy.

And plus, I’ll get daughters-in-law. That’s the best of both worlds.

Or a whole other phenomenon to fear.

Happy Mother's Day to all moms!!

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