When people see me with four boys trailing along behind me, they say to me, "You must have your hands full."
Every time.
It has always kind of irritated me. As a new mom with twins, it made me feel like people thought I wasn't handling it well when I knew I was rocking the mom-with-twins gig.
And when I had three little boys under the age of two and was making my way all over a tiny Long Island town with one baby strapped to my chest and two toddlers in a stroller, I wondered what about what I was doing looked like I wasn't handling it.
Now I think it's just what people say because they don't know what else to say. People say a lot of things when they don't know what else to say. Or they don't say anything at all. We can take offense, or we can try to understand that they might not know what to say.
It's the same thing when you're a mother grieving the loss of a child. People get nervous and they just say things - or say nothing at all. When you're the grieving person it can be hurtful sometimes. You don't want to have to tell other people what to say. Like, don't say "everything happens for a reason" or "he's in a better place." Don't even say the hands full thing. Our hearts may be full, but our hands will never be because someone is missing.
We're working hard to handle our grief, and frankly handling your feelings about our grief is not high on our priority list. So, I'm going out on a limb and helping out a little with that. At Seleni.org, I'm talking about what to do and say to a grieving mother on Mother's Day. Click here to read more.
Even though I'm usually the one giving advice, sometimes I need a little reminder, too. That's just what I get quite often from Joey's twin brother anytime I am missing Joey. Slim lets me know that Joey is always with us. He's pretty smart, and you can read his words here on Mamalode.*
For something lighter that every parent can relate to, read Sleeping with the Frenemies also on Mamalode.
Happy weekend, everyone!
*Seriously, though, I don't know who this Erin Britt person is or why her name is on my writing.
