Mr. Big and the Envelope

This morning, Hubby had to take Slim to the church for First Eucharist practice.  Since "professional" pictures were to be taken, he had to dress in his suit he will wear tomorrow.

I never dress my boys in suits.   And this is why...

He looks so big and grown up.  Which is funny, because the poor child, at eight years old, only weighs 45 pounds.  Even the smallest suit coat looks huge on him, and the tie, a child's tie, hangs well past his waist.

But he is getting bigger, and that fact is squeezing my heart in its vice-like grip and tormenting my head with a mixture of emotions - pride, joy, happiness, sorrow, anguish, nostalgia.

As I readied his photography payment envelope, I noticed the line, "Please use one envelope per child."

We had somehow received two envelopes.

Sorrow, anguish, anger for the son who is not here to have his picture taken today.

I have the feeling that these subtle reminders, these jabs at my heart, are going to be popping up for the rest of my life, not allowing my heart to fully heal.

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