The other day my five-year-old son had surgery. Even though it was minor, I was still a little worried thinking about everything that could go wrong, as any surgery has inherent risks.
When Slim was just four months old, he had surgery to repair his cleft lip. After the surgery, he struggled to breathe on
his own, and had to be monitored in the PICU. It was a scary situation that left an impression on me.
As I waited for my five-year-old to return from the operating
room on Friday, I reflected on the fact that surgery worries aren’t even a blip on most
parents’ radars. It’s more of a situational fear.
An informal poll of some of my friends and acquaintances
on Facebook revealed what parents worry most about concerning their children. According to Allison of Motherhood WTF, it's "basically any bad thing that can befall a person." But here are the top ten responses:
9. Drugs. “Just
say no” doesn’t seem so easy anymore. Ilana of Mommy Shorts stated that, "Someone mentioned recently that kids today are doing heroin like it's no big deal. That freaked me out. I always thought when I eventually have the drug conversation I'd be talking about pot or something I could wrap my head around."
8. Driving. Many
parents expressed fears as their children approach driving age, especially if
they have friends in the car with them. Will they avoid texting and driving and
drinking and driving? Toulouse of Toulouse and Tonic said, "Every time my husband pulls out of the driveway with both kids and I hear a siren somewhere, I'm afraid they've all been killed."
7. Accidents. Freak
or otherwise, parents fear their child getting hurt. Meredith of The Mom of the Year, whose young son broke his femur and had to be in a body cast most of last year, said, "I always have this underlying sick feeling that they will somehow seriously hurt/maim themselves. Scary how quickly their lives/your life can change in the blink of an eye."
6. Bullying. It’s
a sad fact that -90% of 4th through 8th graders report being victims of bullying. Steph from I'm Still Learning, mom of two boys, says, "I worry about them being mean to others. I try so damn hard to teach them empathy and thinking of others' feelings, but kids can be so cruel -- especially as they get older."
5. Peer
pressure/self-esteem. Many parents remember their own experiences in this
area and hope to teach their children. Keesha of Mom's New Stage mentioned she is worried that her daughter will get her "shit body image."
4. Medical diagnosis.
With increasing awareness of many childhood diagnoses such as cancer,
autism, and severe allergies, this is heavy on parents’ minds. Anna of My Life and Kids noted, "I used to work at a children's hospital, and I still carry around about 15 horror stories - they will haunt me forever."
3. Molestation. I shudder every time my boys are out of my sight with other people.
2. Kidnapping. When
it happens, it’s all over the news; and every parent’s heart skips a beat.
1. Death. Obviously, I have first-hand experience in this area. I never thought it would happen to me. Exclusive of a severe genetic birth defect, what parent does?
My friend Kim from Rubber Chicken Madness, single mom of two teenage boys, summed up the whole parent worry issue perfectly when she said, "While I'd like to keep them both under lock and key in an ivory tower until they're at least 25 and past most of these terrifying things, I cannot. I must do my best to guide and educate and love and nurture and (carefully) build trust and love some more."
Thanks to all my friends who helped with this post. Please go visit them and give them some love.
Excellent post. Sharing it today. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nicole!
DeleteGreat post Kathy and you summed it up perfectly all the fears we as parents have. Totally sharing this one!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there are more, but these are the biggies, right?
DeleteGulp. Hard to read but good to know we all share these fears and we're not alone!
ReplyDeleteWe do have each other!
DeleteYup. That pretty much sums up all my parental fears. What a good summary, Kathy. You've captured it all perfectly.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll go pop a Xanax now.
Do you have some to share, Steph? ;)
DeleteGreat post, Kathy! Thanks for including me...I think there's power in knowing that our fears for our children are somewhat universal. There's strength in knowing that what scares me scares another mother. I don't know why it helps, but it does.
ReplyDeleteI think it's because we know we're not crazy!
DeleteAwesome post. I worry about all of these things, too. A friend of mine lost her son to a common virus when he was only 4 months old. It was incredibly sad at the time, but it didn't really hit me until I became a mom. It really messed with my head, and I've been terrified of my child getting sick for the last 2 years. And if someone coughs or sneezes near us when we're out, I'm not afraid to tell the offending person to cover their nose and mouth.
ReplyDeleteMotherhood has turned me into a crazed lunatic...
Not a lunatic, Dani. Just more aware, I think. I'm laser focused on any child who gets cancer now.
Deletewonderful post. applies to grandparents too. thanks so much
ReplyDeleteI think my mom would agree. Thanks for reading Wyman!
DeleteExcellent post, Kathy! Definitely sharing this on my FB page.
ReplyDeleteThanks Teri. I appreciate it.
DeleteAs much as I wish we didn't have these fears, it's nice to know I'm not alone in thinking about these things. Makes me feel a little more normal!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely Meredith! Sometimes I think I'm just being paranoid because of our family situation. It gives me a little peace to know that others think these things, too.
DeleteCouldn't agree more with this list. I'm getting teary just reading it.
ReplyDeleteScary to think about some of these things, isn't it?
DeleteThis a wonderful post. Honestly, until illness hit our family, I never thought bad things would happen to us. It's not that I thought we were exempt, I just never THOUGHT about it. Now I am terrified of losing my hubby and kids.
ReplyDeleteI was the same way, Courtney. Now that we have lost one to cancer, it's like I'm waiting for it to strike again. :(
DeleteIt's like you're reading my thoughts, I worry about all this and yet I try not to, too.
ReplyDeleteIt could all drive a mom nuts if we would let it.
DeleteThis is a great post and as much as I hate to say it, I live in way too much fear since our loss. I am so afraid of sickness or loss again.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, Jessica. I've said so many times that I am constsntly waiting for the other shoe to drop at our house.
DeleteAs a parent I understand and can relate to all of these fears. You can only hope all those lessons about respecting themselves and others will be remembered when the time comes. However, there is one thing worse than thinking about your child on a date or driving, and that is fearing that they won't get the opportunity to do those things. My 10 year old daughter is severely autistic. She is nonverbal and exhibits very strange behaviors. We worry about her someday finding a friend, let alone a boyfriend. I worry that she will never experience being asked to dance or the excitement of picking out a prom dress. While your child learning to drive is a scary prospect, its not as scary as realizing that they will probably never be able to drive and will always depend on someone else. Life is full of experiences and choices and what we do with those choices is what defines us. Just be thankful, no matter how scary they are, that your child gets to make those choices.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment. I actually know this feeling. Our oldest son, while never diagnosed, is suspected to be somewhere on the spectrum. He has such a hard time making friends, and has such severe ADHD that meds don't even touch, I don't think I would let him drive alone. As parents, we see how sweet and wonderful and amazing our children are and want others to see this, too. It hurts us when they don't. Hugs to you, my friend. Thank you for your comment.
DeleteThe fact that we are brave enough to allow our greatest blessings, the beings that we MADE, out into the world to grow, to learn, and to experience all of the wonderful and terrible things that could happen is really incredible.
ReplyDeleteMy greatest fear growing up was that my parents and brother would be killed in a car accident, leaving me all alone. Now greatest fear has alternate endings involving my husband, children, and myself. Three of the four die, leaving one of the four of us alive. Typing this makes me want to reinstall my almost 6 year old's five point harness.
This post was uncomfortable, honest, and real. Thank you for writing it. I'm glad everything went well on Friday!
-Amy
Hi Kathy, it was hard seeing all these very real fears put out there in black and white! I know the fear is there, but I always want to just push it away. And it's almost like you can find something new to worry about each day online. The only comforting thing is that other Moms feel it too, and we're in it together. - Laura
ReplyDeleteGreat post -- tough to read. Tougher to imagine. Thanks for putting into words what all of us feel.
ReplyDeleteKathy - what a wonderful post - one that connects all parents. We want our children to have the opportunity to live life to the fullest, while simultaneously keeping them safe from other people and their own personal demons.
ReplyDelete