I'm an Awesome Mom, and You Can Be, Too (with a little help from MomAssembly)

Once upon a time, I had waited so long to become a mom. And when the day finally arrived, I was lucky enough to be a Mom TIMES TWO! My twins each had to spend a little bit of time in the NICU - Slim about five days longer than Joey.

I brought Joey home first and honestly thought, This is so easy. What are moms complaining about? Once Slim came home, it was a little more hectic; but in no time we were on a schedule of naps and stories and tummy time and feedings. I had the mom gig down to a "T."

Until they were about 15 months old, that is. Then they entered what I would later find out were the beginnings of the "terrible twos."

I mean, holy cow! What had I done wrong? How had I screwed my little darlings up so much that they were throwing temper tantrums and banging their cute little heads on the floor and pulling each other to the ground? Was it because I was pregnant again? Could they sense impending competition? Were they planning a coup d'etat?

Now, nine years, three more babies, and several parenting guffaws later I realize that while some things about parenting were easy for me, I seemed to have put out of my mind the things that were not; namely, the terrible twos. But there were also the sleepless nights trying to nurse two babies, there was a baby who got his nights and days mixed up until he was eleven months old, a baby who wouldn't take a bottle and seemed to want to nurse 24/7, there was a toddler who was extremely jealous of a new baby's arrival (so much so that he punched me right in my engorged breast and gave me mastitis), there was the toddler who wouldn't eat anything but Goldfish crackers, and now, oh my goodness NOW all the sibling rivalry. So much sibling rivalry!

Enter MomAssembly, the world’s first online video-education site for moms. Founded in 2012 by Jill Spivack and Jen Waldburger who have nearly two decades of experience as family and parent educators, MomAssembly is an interactive university, available 24-7 from the comfort of your home giving you all the information you need to raise happy, healthy kids. Man, I wish this had been around a decade ago! With access to over 500 courses by world renowned parenting experts that you can watch on your own time frame, there is bound to be a solution and some advice to every parenting issue you're facing from newborn care to sleep to safety to discipline and behavior and much much more!

Every course has about a two minute sample clip you can view to see if you want to buy the course, and each course comes with several classes that are between 5 - 10 minutes long, perfect for fitting in to your busy schedule. The courses cover topics from birth to school-aged children and are child-oriented and parent-focused. Even a five-time veteran mom like me can learn something new.

I just wrote a post about potty training (cause I know a thing or two), but MomAssembly has a course for that, too! If you don't want to take my advice or you're still not sure if your child is ready to start, watch this clip. It gives you a taste of what you can expect from each MomAssembly course:




And now MomAssembly wants to offer you a chance to try their courses for free. The first 10 readers to complete sign up for a subscription plan will receive their first month free! You will have to actually sign up for a plan and enter your credit card information - though the card will not be charged until the end of your free trial.  You will then receive an email from Jill or Jen notifying you that you have won a free month. It's that easy.

So to review: parenting issues ----> MomAssembly advice ---->quick, convenient, and inexpensive videos---->free month trial---->chance to win a free month.

What's not to like? What's not to try? Do yourself a favor and browse some of their courses here. If you want to be one of the lucky ten who gets a free month's subscription, click this link and sign up now.

Hubby and I are working our way through a course on raising kids other people will like to be around ('cause let's face it, they're not always a joy at home). I have my eye on a few other discipline and parenting courses as well.

In parenting, there is always something we can learn. Let's let the experts at MomAssembly take some of the work out of it for us so we are free to learn, grow, and love.

What do you want to learn about today?

*I was compensated by MomAssembly for this post, but the admission of my parenting failures and my thankfulness for MomAssembly's parenting videos are all my own.

Are You Raising the Village Idiot? Excuse Me if I Say Something.

The other day, the boys and I were leaving the pool and crossing the parking lot to our van. Now, mind you, I do not have the good fortune to be the mother duck with her little ducklings all in a row behind her.

My little ducklings are more like those you see in a carnival shooting gallery game - first going one way then another. Frequently I will have one or two next to me (I still make the three year old hold my hand or that of his most responsible brother), one running waaay ahead, and one lagging faaaar behind. It's just the nature of the game.

Anyway, as we were leaving, a teenager roared through the parking lot at top speed, whipped around in the pick-up circle, and prepared to accelerate out of the parking lot.

Seeing that his window was open, I yelled, "Hey, slow down! You're in a parking lot!"

He looked at me - shocked - but I swear he didn't leave as fast as he came in.

I get it. He's a teenager. He has a car. He thinks he's cool. He wants to be cool.

But he needs to get that I have small children walking near his car. I love them. I want them to not be dead or hurt.

He doesn't have children. He is only concerned about himself. I understand that, too. But I am a mother who is concerned about her children, and I am going to point out to him that he needs to drive slowly and carefully.

If his mother were there, she would do it, too.

One would hope.

I don't think any of us set out on this journey to raise an idiot. Though, the old saying is true, "You need a license to drive a car, own a gun, and to catch a fish, but any idiot can be a parent."

With the abundance of parenting styles these days - authoritative, permissive, hands-off, hands-on, helicoptering, Tiger Moms and Eagle Dads - there's bound to be a style that doesn't jive with mine or yours or someone else's. You've heard of Hillary Rodham Clinton's "It Takes a Village," right?

Well it seems as if these days the villagers are experiencing some backlash. Parents at large feel very upset if someone else dares to speak to their child in a disciplinary manner (even *gasp* teachers!). 'We will raise our own children as we see fit, please, and thank you to stay out of our business.'

But what if that business affects us and our children? Can we say something then? Even if the parent is standing right there and refuses to do nothing?

Yesterday at the Children's Museum, Edgie and Lil' C were playing with the train set. A boy of about two or three burst onto the scene and starting grabbing the trains out of their hands. Edgie of course wanted his train back. I coaxed him to ask for it back, but the boy said no and knocked trains off the tracks. I was desperately looking around for his adult.

You see, despite having been a teacher for almost a decade and a mom for over a decade, I don't like to discipline other people's children. Especially ones I've just met and know nothing about. The boy seemed to have some special needs. He was definitely non-verbal, and positively kept up his inappropriate behavior.

Pretty soon, Lil' C stepped in and got Edgie's train back by using a trick I had taught him long ago to deal with his own brother: bait and switch. He gave the boy another train to play with instead and got Edgie's back for him. I was pretty proud that Lil' C had applied something he had been shown.

By his parent.

Imagine my shock when it turned out the boy's parents had been standing right behind me and had said and done nothing? They dragged him away from the trains with no warning, no verbal explanation, just a quick, "Let's go play somewhere else," to soothe his cries.

I was kicking myself that I didn't handle the boy's misbehavior better. You see, I could have been an example to these young parents on how to handle and redirect their child's misbehavior.

Look, I'm definitely not saying I am Mother-of-the-Year - OMGee, far from it!! But I think our society has gone so far to the left that we can't see our way back any more. We are so adamantly concerned about our own rights and doing whatever we want to do (and do it we will, dammit all to hell anyway), that we are incapable of seeing that we have a responsibility to look out for other people as well.

It's a matter of respect, people.

Sometimes I think we can talk to our own kids until we are blue in the face and they have long stopped listening. But if a stranger or another adult reprimands them, it means more and it sticks way longer than something we have said to them does. I have seen the looks on my boys' faces when they are jacking around in a store or other public place and a worker tells them to knock it off or not touch something. Even though I say "the speech" every. single. time.

And I know, I KNOW, there are times when adults take things too far and are too harsh or misunderstand what a child is doing or his intent. That's why I said I don't like to discipline other people's kids. But when something is obvious or risk of harm is clear, it is an adult's responsibility to speak up.

Back to the pool parking lot. After I yelled at the teen in the car, another teen walking turned around and gave me a "STFU, Crazy Lady" look. I had half a mind to say, "Do you see me walking with four small and slightly spacey children?? IT'S A SAFETY ISSUE!" But I didn't. Because I didn't want to pick ALL the battles.

Not that day anyway.

I am all for people doing what they want to do and what makes them happy. But for the love of all that's holy, respect those around you while you're doing it.

If that means your kid is going to act like an idiot, so be it. But if he gets in my way or my kids' way, I'm going to say something.

And I expect you to do the same to mine.






Do you agree? Tell me why or why not.

One Long Epic #parentingfail

Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like your entire tenure as a parent has been one big fat huge #fail? When you look back and wonder why you answered the call of the wild in the first place and decided to bring forth the fruit of your loins?

You think, Maybe if I had never given him a bite of that donut when he was 9 months old, he wouldn't have such a sweet tooth now.

Or, GAH! Maybe if I didn't yell so much, she wouldn't be snapping at her younger sister.

Or, SMH, maybe if I would have made him sleep in his bed from the beginning, he wouldn't be such a clingy little worrier.

Or maybe, just maybe, you think, If I would just keep taking my antidepressant, maybe I wouldn't yell at my kids like a crazy woman whom they will all shun one day.

Or maybe, you wake up in a perfectly great mood several days in a row, but Crabby Craberson is snapping at everyone and bringing you down. And Yelly VonYellerschnitz is driving you crazy with his stuck-on-one-decibel volume. And Pokey McOhMyGwadWhyWon'tHeHurryUp?! is threatening to push you over the brink of insanity (Or is it sanity? You don't know because YOU HAVE LOST YOUR EVER-LOVING MIND!).

And then you think, What in the hell have I created here? Because you know it is All. Your. Fault. It's always the Mom's fault. Catholic Guilt? Pfffft! That ain't got nothin' on Mom Guilt - the beast that makes us all crazy, gray-haired, wild-eyed, drooling, mental patients by the time our kids graduate from pre-school.

It convinces us we are doing it all wrong. Our kids will be screwed up for life if WE do not get OUR acts together. The hugs and kisses, the attempts at healthy home-cooked meals, the bedtime stories, volunteering as room mother - they are not enough, Woman! You must do more, you must do it better, you must do it more often. More, more, more. Better, better, better.

But you still feel it's only mess, mess, mess. And you are bitter, bitter, bitter.

Then, as if just to save your sanity, little Sweetie J. Petey comes out of nowhere and wraps his arms around your neck and says, "I luff you, Mommy," and kisses you right on your nose.

And you think, Maybe I'm not a #completefailure after all.

This is How We Bond with Our Sons

As a boy mom, I have to admit that I get a little twinge of jealousy every time I see girl moms with their daughters out to lunch, getting mani-pedis, shopping, or having a night out at the theater.

I am a total girly-girl, so when I found out that I was having twin boys my first pregnancy, all I could think of was dirt, bugs, boogers, and sports . . . and more dirt. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to bond with them in the way I had been dreaming of bonding with my future daughters.

Turns out, I've been doing okay. Playing Barbies is highly over rated. You have to put effort into making story lines and conversation. Playing with cars or trains, on the other hand, is easy! Make a few "vroom-vroom" and "toot-toot" noises and you're golden!

I've taken my eight-year-old out for special meals, painted my nine-year-old's nails a shocking orange (which he rocked the heck out of, I might add), and taken my five-year-old to the mall to browse and get cookies. Ellen of Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms points out: "I don't really bond with my girls as you described. I do stuff with them. We hike, bike, shoot hoops, and practice volleyball. If by bonding you mean opening up and having real conversations, I have found it takes a physical activity to really open that up. Shopping can be too riddled with conflict to really bond."

I never really thought of it that way.

Here are some other interesting comments made by some of my favorite bloggy friends about bonding with their spawn:

"I take my 4yo out for lunch dates while his brother is at school. He, especially, loves eating in a restaurant with me and we have nice chats." Alicia of Naps Happen

"My son & I used to go to lunch dates 1-2x a week when his little sister's preschool schedule allowed us to do it alone. We also build Legos together, read, watch movies together (home Movie Night and going out). Mini golf - anything that he likes, I'm in." Kim of Let Me Start By Saying

"I like to take my son on little adventures when it's just the two of us. He and I have gone as far as eight hours to Florida by ourselves for vacation, and as close as a nearby park to have stick races in the creek. He's learning to sound out words now, so I'll make a list of scavenger hunt items that he can read and we find them (red leaf, white flower, ant, etc). We love spending time together outside." Lori of Loripalooza.

"I take each kid out on dates separately. We'll get dressed up and go out for lunch or dinner. This reminds me that it's time." Allison of Motherhood WTF

"We go to a crazy number of sporting events, and have ice cream." Courtney of Our Small Moments

"We get into my bed and watch a movie, go to the movies, take a walk or bike ride, have a Lego contest or build erector sets, do a science experiment. Sometimes I even play XBox or Wii with them or watch them play. They get very excited to show me how good they are." Steph of I'm Still Learning

"Owen loves a trip to a bookstore. And he's my high tea buddy. So it's always special when we do that. He also likes brunch. Apparently he's my fellow foodie." Frugie of Frugalista Blog

"I like what they like. I know a ridiculous amount of stuff about pro soccer, comic books, jokes, high adventure travel and survival, music, and art. I also agree with Ellen about the physical stuff. My boys taught me to paddle board this summer so I taught them to waterski. We hike, bike, kayak, and rock climb. We also watch movies. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Also know your tech. Boys love to talk tech. Minecraft is a great conversation any day." Erin, the other half of Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

"We play video games together or we talk about books since we read a lot of the same books." Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat

"My 6 yo loves Legos, so we talk about that, and we read Harry Potter and The Boxcar Children together. He has red toenails right now." Amy of Funny is Family

"We build things. Railroad structures, Legos, crazy structures out of anything - boxes, tubes, plastic bottles. Going to get ice cream. And my son is more snuggly than my girl, so there's that!" Keesha of Mom's New Stage

"We play football/baseball/basketball in the yard. He jumps on the trampoline while I pee my pants on the trampoline. Video games are always popular and of course we talk a lot of sports. The 3 year old doesn't really care as long as I feed him and wipe his butt for him." Tara of You Know It Happens At Your House Too

And these last two quotes give me hope for bonding as my boys get older:

"One on one sports with my boys (and girls). 1. It puts them in their place because I can still beat them. 2. We can cover the heavy topics without eye contact. Driving to the basket and saying, "Let's talk puberty" is a win/win." Kerry of HouseTalkN

"MUSIC. That's where we find common ground!" Kimberly of Rubber Chicken Madness

And finally, I love this memory that Stephanie of Binkies and Briefcases shared about bonding with her dad when she was younger: "My dad used to set aside one weekend a year for each kid. When it was our turn we got to pick anywhere we could drive to in a day. He would take us, just one kid at a time, while my mom kept the other kids at home. Since he traveled a lot for work, this weekend was really special because we got one-on-one time with him. I remember one year I chose Williamsburg and one year I chose Niagara Falls."

Boy moms, girl dads, same sex or not. All that really matters when it comes to bonding with your kids is that you make an effort to spend time together doing something you both enjoy. That way, everybody wins!

Stars Upon Ours~The Divisive Nature of Motherhood

Few life paths are as divisive as motherhood. Sure, we all start down the path for the same reason - love of children and family - but we break off onto different trails and turn at different forks that leave others on the same path wondering why we went the way we did.

And because we do not all follow the same route, we become divided and separated into groups and categories just like Dr. Seuss's  Sneetches - those with stars upon thars and those without.

Some of us want the stars and get the stars and others have their stars removed and then it gets so jumbled up that no one really knows who had what or not or what paths they took or where they came from or who they are.

Except we do. As mothers, we seem to keep score on a tally sheet big enough to hold a laundry list, a grocery list, and a honey-do list to boot. We seem to feel it is important to know who is doing what and when and how it turned out and if it was more successful than what we are doing.

Because we think it matters. We think it matters how you feed your baby or how many times she works out in a week or if your friend let her baby cry it out and why the woman down the block will only carry her baby in a sling.

Because it matters. Some of us wear our stars with honor. Our star is the best and brightest star. It is THE ONLY star to have! Everyone must know!

Thank you, Dr. Seuss. I hope you don't mind.

Others aren't so sure they should have their star. Maybe they should trade their star for the one you have. Maybe if they tried your star, they'd like it, and their life would improve. Maybe their star has been the wrong star all along. Perhaps they should take it off before anyone notices.

After all, our stars show the world our shame of infertility or our pride in perfect planning.

Our triumph over a natural, drug-free vaginal birth or the failure of a drug-induced C-section.

Our stars show if we co-slept, parented without attachments or with, or the length and vigor with which we sleep trained.

Here is your breast-feeding star! Bottle fed? Oh sorry, you don't get a star.

You feed your children all-natural, organic meat and produce? Hooray! Here is your star. Oh, you're raising them vegan? Excuse me, let me borrow that star, organic mama. Drive-thru mom, you go to the other side of the island with those without stars on thars.

Moms who find the time to work-out here, moms who don't over there. Working moms, stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms - we don't know what to do with you.

Back and forth and in and out and stars on and stars off.

"Until neither the Plain nor the Star-bellies knew whether this one was that one or that one was this one or which one was what one or what one was who." Oh Dr. Seuss, you were a brilliant man. We need our own version of the fix-it up Chapette, a modern-day Sylvia McMonkey McBean to show us the silliness of our ways.

Perhaps like the Sneetches, we moms can learn to become friends, to realize that no one mom is any more special than another mom just because she does something a certain way. Maybe we can stop wearing our stars like a Mommy Club badge of honor. Maybe we can see that green stars, red stars, or no stars on ours - well, they don't make a difference after all.

What makes the difference is that we all started on the path to motherhood for the same reason. And just because I took a left turn at the fork when you went right doesn't mean that I am a better mom than you. It just means that we know what's best for ours.

And you can take your star upon yours. Or not.

I think I'll leave mine for McBean.