Saying Good-Bye to Breastfeeding

I remember a conversation I had with one of my friends in my early twenties. She was ready to have her first baby, and we were discussing breastfeeding.

I announced there was NO WAY I was ever doing that! For personal reasons, you know.

Honestly, I couldn't imagine my tiny, non-breasts ever doing something like that. My tiny, non-breasts had never been great, and honestly, I hated them. The thought of some other human being needing them and using them all the time was just . . .weird.

My mom didn't nurse us, and my sister didn't nurse her kids. As far as I knew, none of my sisters-in law had either; at least, not for very long. I knew women did it, but it seemed more like a hippy, Earth mother, granola thing to do.

Bottle was going to be the way to go for me.

Until I was finally pregnant - with twins, no less. And then, I just knew I was going to nurse my babies.

And then my twins arrived five and a half weeks early and were in the NICU, and I didn't even get to see them until about seven hours after they were born.

It wasn't until the next day that anyone suggested that I nurse either one of them. Slim was born with a cleft lip and palate, so we knew nursing was going to be difficult. But with tiny, not-even-five pounds Joey, it just . . .clicked. And it was so wonderful.

My non-breasts were doing it, doing something special, something only a mother could do. And thus began my love affair with breastfeeding.

With the exception of Slim (I really did try with him, but he couldn't get the suction with his wide open palate and lip), all of my boys latched on right away and nursed pretty much exclusively until they were done. For Joey, that was 11 months, for Knox - nine months, for Lil' C - well, I was on a progesterone only birth control pill and my milk started drying up early. We barely squeaked out five months. 

And Edgie, my dear sweet surprise last child . . .he would still be nursing if I would let him. Since he was my last child, it was just so much easier to nurse him - I could get him down for naps faster and asleep at night easier so I could help the older boys. So we kept on, after a year, after 18 months, after 2 years. All of the milestones I marked as ending breastfeeding came and went, and there we still were at naps and night nursing and cuddling. And neither of us minded.

I never thought I would be there. I knew a mom when we lived on Long Island who was still nursing her older child. We'd be in our mother's group, and her daughter would walk over to her mom, lift up her shirt and have a drink. It made me uncomfortable, and I vowed that if one of my children ever asked for it or lifted my shirt, I'd stop.

That was never an issue, until Edgie. And suddenly, one night, it was.

We were cuddling in his rocking chair, and my nipples were sore from his teeth. I decided I was done. So I tried to simply rock him. He got upset and tried to pull up my shirt. "I want to," he said. And that was it for me. I knew I had long since stopped making milk, and he was just using me as a pacifier. And I was using him to hold on to the sweetness of baby days.

But the baby days are over, and I have to face that. Something that was such a good memory for me needs to now be just that - a memory.

So every night we simply rock and cuddle. He fusses at first, but generally, he's so tired from the summer days' activities and the absence of a mid-day nap, he falls right to sleep.

And instead of stroking his soft hair while he nurses, I look down at his sweet toddler face, asleep on my lap.

I can truly say that I enjoyed breastfeeding. Oh sure, as with any love affair, there were some hated moments - mastitis, sore nipples, marathon nursing sessions that never seemed to end, trying to covertly breastfeed in public, and not feeling supported by in-laws. But in all, it was mostly a positive experience for me.

I already miss it, but I also know what I have to look forward to. And fortunately for both Edgie and me, I know what's to come is just as sweet and exciting as the baby moments.

It makes saying good-bye to that part of our lives a little easier.

My good 'ole nursing pillow. Used with five babies,

repaired twice. Nine good years.

 

 

 

 



Around the Pond with the Frog~Weeks Ending 7/28/13

Ho hum, I'm sitting here all sad this weekend because I am not in Chicago at BlogHer '13. If ever there was a time to go for me, it would have been this year, after getting chosen as one of the Voices of the Year for my post, Pictures Can Lie.

BUT, I am continuing to foster relationships with lots of wonderful bloggers, and I'm excited to meet many more through my new Grief Series launching this Thursday with a beautiful post from Meredith of Mom of the Year. If you are a blogger who is interested in contributing, see my top tab about the series.

So, the past couple of weeks, here's where I have been and what I said:

• I participated in a HUGE giveaway with several other bloggers. If you didn't win, stay tuned. I have some other giveaways coming up. And if you are new here because of it - WELCOME! I'm so glad you're here.
• I shared a post from last summer about kids' behavior at the pool - yours and mine!
• I wrote a sponsored post about CampusBookRentals - an awesome website that helps those in college acquire books cheaply and make money by renting them out. They also partner with Operation Smile to donate life saving operations for kids with facial deformities.
• I also made Huffington Post Parents Best Parenting Tweets again last week. This tweet was more "cute" than funny; but oh well! I'll take it!

Some stuff I loved from my bloggy friends this week:

• This post from Bethany at Bad Parenting Moments that basically tells people to STFU about breastfeeding.
• This post from Steph of I'm Still Learning on Today's Mama about how we and other adults talk to children - there IS a right and a wrong way.
• This post from Outsmarted Mommy about how parenting is not easy.
• The movie Planes is coming soon. Are you dreading it as much as Mama, Schmama?

Okay, I think that's it for now. See you all soon!!

Smile! School is Almost Here!*

The boys and I went school supply shopping the other day. There is something about crisp unbent folders, pencils sharpened to a fine point, and unbroken crayons that always gets me excited for school.

Yep, the school year will be here before we know it. Kids will be flooding the hallways again, and parents will breathe sighs of relief.

My college-age babysitter and I were talking the other day about how expensive textbooks are these days - in the hundreds of dollars (and I thought dropping $75 for three kids at Target was steep!). I guess some things never change. I remember being so dismayed about paying big bucks for a brand new textbook and getting a few dollars for it at the end of the year.

I recently heard about a great website called CampusBookRentals, and I can't wait to tell all the college-age people in my life about it. A student can go to their website, search for the book he needs, and purchase it for 40-90% off bookstore prices! There is free shipping both ways, risk free returns within 30 days, and an option to keep the book longer if needed. You can even highlight in it!

Where was this program when I was in college?!

Here's a little more about how it works:



They also have an awesome program called RentBack which can actually earn you money by renting your books to other students - every time your book is rented, you make money. What college student doesn't love extra cash?

Do you know what I love even more about CampusBookRentals? They donate to Operation Smile with each textbook rented. Operation Smile is an international medical children's charity that provides reconstructive surgeries for children all around the world who are born with facial deformities such as cleft lips and palates.

These are life-saving medical procedures for these children. Without repairs, many of these children die before their first birthday because they are unable to eat. Others are shunned by their communities because they are unable to communicate effectively, socialize, or even smile.

Because my son, Slim, was born with a cleft lip and palate, this is a cause near and dear to my heart. He has already had three surgeries and is gearing up for orthodontia and implants. These surgeries simply make a child's mouth work the way it's supposed to and improve his quality of life.

If you or someone you love is taking college classes, do yourself a favor and check out CampusBookRentals.com. It will definitely make you smile and help a child smile.


*I was compensated for this post, but all of the opinions are my own.

This is How We Grieve

This past weekend, I was sitting on our back porch dehusking corn (is that even a thing?) and jumping up every once and a while to pull a few leaves off of Hubby's basil plant for a tomato dish he was making.

I suddenly became acutely aware of a bird chirping quite a bit more loudly than all of the others. I scanned the trees above me, and I spotted it: a robin sitting on a branch almost right above me. I could hear the other birds, but this was the only one I could see, and it was definitely the loudest.

For some reason, it made me think of Joey.

Joey was always the center of attention. If he wasn't, he did his darndest to make sure he was. That both delighted me and maddened me.

For some reason, I couldn't stop staring at this bird and listening to its chatter. I was mesmerized, and lonely for my sweet little boy.

Some people think that when they see butterflies or lady bugs or some other animal, it's a sign that their loved one is near. I'm not sure I believe that; although whenever I see a striped cat, I definitely watch it for a while.

I'd give anything to see my darling son again. Not sick Joey, but Joey before his diagnosis: happy, laughing, full of ideas and energy, lean, strong, and healthy.

And for a person like me who has so many vivid dreams every night, I've only dreamed about Joey 2 or 3 times since his death. I long to see him if even for a brief moment in my dreams.

A good friend sent me a message yesterday. Her son's best friend died in an accident Saturday night - just shy of 13 years old. She is beside herself, not knowing how to help her friend or what to say to her son.

And my heart is heavy because yet another family has to figure out how to move ahead while carrying the heavy burden of grief with them.

The thing is, we all grieve. We are all grieving something. I didn't realize this until I actually was grieving, and started to notice other people's pain because of my own pain: death, divorce, diagnosis. These and other life changing events can send us into a tail spin.

I want to give a voice to that grief. I want to be an outlet for people's stories of grief and pain. And I want those stories to provide inspiration and hope to others who are grieving.

I am starting a new series called Grief Stories~Inspiration, Hope, and Healing. It will be a series of posts contributed by other bloggers who will tell their stories of hope and healing through grief. I am excited to share these with you, as everyone has his or her own story which can inspire and heal others as well.

I'll be bringing you the first story next Thursday, August 1st. It is from Meredith, The Mom of the Year. She has contributed to kissing the frog in the past, and I'm excited to have her back.

Grief can do it's best to drag us down if we let it. But, it can also provide hope and healing if we can see it. Let's let people see that this is how we grieve.

Your Kid's Behavior at the Pool Makes Me Like You Less

This post originally appeared on kissing the frog on July 30, 2012. Due to a bratty little girl at the pool and little time to blog this summer, I thought of this post and decided I'd pull it out again. Enjoy!

The other day we went to the pool for the first time in a long time.  The triple digit heat has finally broken here in the Midwest, and I forced the boys to return to the pool.

Slim was floating lazily around the pool in a floaty, Knox and Lil' C were - shockingly - playing together with squirty kick board things, and Baby E was happily splashing in the shallow end by the stairs.

The pool was uncrowded, and I was actually enjoying myself.

Until...that kid came by.  We all know the one.  The kid whose parent is MIA.  The kid whose parent did not bring him any toys, so he bugs you to play with the toys you hauled to the pool for your kids.  The kid who has no one to play with, so he bugs you and your kids.  The kid who splashes you and your baby and thinks it's funny.

Yeah, that one.

A while earlier, Lil' C had bonked this kid on the head with his kick board.  It was an accident, but still, I sought out his mother to make sure he was okay.

"Oh, he's fine," she assured me. "It gets him back for what he does to his brother," she laughed and gestured toward a toddler in a stroller.

I smiled and walked away thinking, This is a mom I could be friends with.

But later, as her kid continually splashed my kids, squirted them in the face, took their toys, and teased them, she was nowhere to be found.

Meanwhile, I was jumping down my kids' backs with every little move they made.

"Knox, stop squirting him!"

"Lil' C, talk nicely to him!"

And disciplining the kid himself.

"Please let my son have his kick board back."

My fury boiled at this mom who, it turns out, was sitting in the shade while her toddler was strapped in his stroller.  Awake.

I didn't get it.  It made me mad.  It irritated me.  It definitely made me rethink a budding friendship with her.

But, in the spirit of understanding other moms and ending the Mommy Wars and all that, I decided to just let it go and enjoy my boys and our time at the pool.

Friday night, we invited some friends and their kids to the pool with us.  And again, I sat in judgement of people's kids.

In particular was a little girl with a huge squirt gun who was getting every adult wet.  After being talked to several times by her mother, the gun was taken away, and I thought, Finally!

It was only upon observation that I realized that my kid was being that kid.  Two of them were, in fact!

Lil' C had found the ginormous squirt gun, had taken it without asking, and was joyously getting everyone wet in and out of the pool.  Slim was joining him in a water gun fight that had him squirting other kids in the face.

And as I opened my mouth to discipline them, I wondered how many other parents were judging me because of my kids' behavior.

I truly believe that a child's behavior is about 5% in born and 95% how they are raised.  Children learn and mimic their parents' words, actions, attitudes, feelings and moods.  I see it all of the time in my own children.

Hubby and I yell a lot, unfortunately, so the boys yell a lot.  We are impatient and tired.  Our attention is all over the place.  Our children's behavior reflects this. 

When we are calm and loving and give them attention and patience, their attitudes and behavior reflect this.

A perfect example is how they all treat Baby E.  I hear them say things to him in the same gentle and loving tone that I use.

Hubby and I have a tendency to be impatient and frustrated by Slim's ADHD behaviors, and that is reflected in how we talk to him.  It is also reflected in how the other boys talk to him.

So to me, a child's behavior is a double-edged sword that leaves me wondering, How much of this kid's brattiness is due to his parents, and how much is just his true personality?

Maybe a child's natural personality is to be bold or shy, brazen or anxious.  But how does the parent nurture that and react to that?

Every child throws tantrums, but how patient is his parent and how well does she redirect the behavior?

You would think I'd have learned not to throw stones, because my glass house contains more than a crack or two.

So, I promise not to judge you for your kid's behavior, if you don't judge me for my kid's.  Deal?


What's your take on nature versus nurture?  How much of a child's personality has to do with his parents?

Around the Pond with the Frog~Week Ending 7/7/13

Here's where I was around the pond and what I said, just in case you missed it while you were busy celebrating the holiday:

• Tuesday I linked up with JD at Honest Mom for her Honest Voices party to tell the story of our First Best Independence Day. Ever.
• My latest post on Mamalode is called Mommy's Little Healer. If you haven't read it yet, please do. It's the story of how Edgie (formerly Baby E) helped to heal my grief after Joey's death.

While you are at Mamalode, three of my favorite bloggers also have posts there:

•  I shared this one by Kim of Let Me Start By Saying last week.
• Christie, whose blog is christineorgan.com, shares a very personal and heartbreaking experience here. She is by far one of the most beautiful writers I know.
• And finally, Nicole of Nicole Shaw, Tyop Aretist (formerly Ninja Mom) shares an account of her kids' day at the "beach." Treat yourself to her writing - it's witty and clever and makes you laugh AND think at the same time (imagine that!).

I've gotta find a way to go now!

On Monday, I was thrilled to find out that I had been honored as one of BlogHer's 2013 Voices of the Year for my post Pictures Can Lie. This is a huge honor in the blogging community, and I'm honestly floored to have been chosen among some of the very talented writers out there. See the whole list of honorees here, and do yourself a favor by reading some of their work.


Are you following kissing the frog on Bloglovin' yet? The best place to follow all the blogs you love (especially this one, ahem . . .) is on Bloglovin'. You can click on the Bloglovin' button at the top of this page (most other blogs have them now, too) or click here to add ktf RIGHT NOW so you never miss another post!

Don't forget to check out the Groovebook App for all your summer photos. Use the code KISSINGTHEGROOVE for your first month free!

Resume your regularly scheduled fun.