Showing posts with label bloggers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bloggers. Show all posts

2.20.2015

It's not about you or me. It's about compassion.

I'm going to cut to the chase here and go ahead and say something.

Not everything is about you. And it's not about me either.

This? Just no. 

Whew. It feels good to say that.

Sure, sure, we WANT everything to be about us. But it's not. The simple fact of the matter is that we share this space with 7.125 billion other people (2013). Wow, that's a lot of diversity. Billions of other beliefs, religions, creeds, needs, and wants.

We should really find a way to peacefully COEXIST. But we don't, and we see evidence of that every day.

We certainly see it in the news with genocide and war and racism and religious atrocities. These are on a national and global scale and seem so daunting. How can we change any of that?

The answer is - we can't. 

But we can start by making small changes on a small scale.

I always tell my sons that it is okay to feel angry or sad or impatient or jealous or to feel like you don't like someone. We all have a right to our feelings. 

But what we do with those feelings is our responsibility. 

Think about the lessons we teach our children:

  1. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
  2. Be nice. Play fair. And share.
  3. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. 
  4. Include everyone.
  5. Follow the rules. 
Even as we are teaching these things to our children, we are ignoring them as adults. 
  1. We are being an Internet Troll. 
  2. We are taking credit for something at work that we didn't do. 
  3. We are making racist or homophobic jokes. 
  4. We are looking down at parents who are not raising their kids the way we raise ours. 
  5. We are cutting in line because we are late or only have one item. 
And guess what? Our kids see this. So the cycle never stops. I am not perfect. I do it, too. I am always late and impatient and angry. And I hear my kids mimic what I say and do, and it breaks my heart. Because that is not what my heart wants. My heart wants love and kindness and inclusion and happiness. When my mind and actions are angry, I am sad and lonely. But when my mind is open and helpful, I am happy. One simple action can turn everything around.

And it starts with compassion. 

Sure I'm late, but someone else might be, too. Ugh, this line is so long, but complaining about it isn't making it go faster. It bothers me that people don't vaccinate their kids, but they have reasons for their beliefs just as I do. 

See how it works? 

Walk a mile in their shoes. And instead, do these:
  1. "I'd love to hear why you made that decision." "That's so interesting. Tell me more." "You must be having a hard day. Can I help?"
  2. Let the person behind you with one item or a crying toddler go ahead of you in the checkout line. Instead of taking another trip or another night out, donate your money, time, and resources to someone who really needs them. 
  3. Realize that everyone - despite outward appearances - is fighting some kind of battle. Smile, help, hold the door. Tell them to have a nice day. 
  4. Recognize that there is more than one way of doing anything. Know that we choose the way that is best for us. So do other people. 
  5. Know that rules are made for a reason - usually safety. Everyone has to follow them. Accept that. 
Listen, I am FAR from perfect. I mess up fifteen times a day. But a compassionate person can reel herself back in and recognize what is right and what is wrong. What is going to hurt herself and others and what is going to help everyone. 

It sucks that everything can't be about me, me, me all the time; but that doesn't make people happy. And if people aren't happy . . .umm, well, then no one is happy, right? Sometimes you have to sacrifice a bit of your own happiness to make others happy. And when others are happy, that happiness comes back to you. It's called compassion. 

These? Absolutely!

This post was part of a larger blogger movement called #1000Speak for compassion. We have voices, and we create beautiful words. We want to use them for good. Check out some of the other posts on compassion here. (At the bottom of the post is a little blue box with a frog that says "Click to view and add your links. Click that to see so many other amazing posts on compassion!!)




Have a great day!!







1.13.2014

13 Basic Tips for New and Wannabe Bloggers

This past weekend I marked my three year "blogiversary." Blogging had been a dream of mine since our 2004 move away from family and friends to Long Island for a two-year stint. I wanted it to be a way to keep in touch with everyone until we moved back to the Midwest.

At the time, I read no blogs and had absolutely no clue how to go about starting one. When my son, Joey, was sick with cancer, I started an online journal to keep in touch with our friends, families and community about his illness. It was during that time that I really found my voice and my passion for writing. But still, I did nothing.

Then one day I was sitting on my couch with my three sons, who were home on a snow day from school. It was then I had a moment of clarity: it was now or never. I was 40 years old, unexpectedly pregnant with baby #5 and still grieving the loss of child #1. I needed something for me.

And then kissing the frog was born. In a matter of about 45 minutes, I had it up and running. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time, and I told only a few close friends.

Three years later, and I have learned sooo much. I'd like to share some of it with you, for what it's worth.




1. Read blogs, lots of blogs. With an estimated 200 million blogs in existence, there has got to be something that interests you. Read a variety of types on a variety of platforms to get an idea of how you want to structure yours. Look at layout and see what you like and don't like.

2. Choose your blog name carefully. Make it something that reflects what you will write and be memorable at the same time. Google, Google, and Google again to see if there are any other blogs with your same or similar name. Some people have been asked to stop using a certain name because someone else had trademarked something similar - The Honest Toddler is one who famously comes to mind.

You may want to check URLs, Twitter handles, and Facebook pages to see if ones are available that match your name. Kissing the Frog (dot) com is unfortunately taken by a financial book, and the Twitter handle was taken as well. So sometimes I'm 'kissing the frog' and sometimes I'm 'life with the frog.' It sucks, and I've thought about changing the name of my blog to 'Life with the Frog,' but I love 'kissing the frog.' As my tagline says, it's about what life is really like after all your dreams come true. You can change your name - it's been done by other bloggers. My friend Steph of I'm Still Learning started out as Healthy Mom. The change hasn't hurt her blog.

3. Research your chosen blog platform. While Wordpress, Blogger, and Tumblr seem to be the most popular, there are more out there than you know. As I said above, look at other blogs and notice their ease of use. I'm fine with Blogger, and it's expensive and time-consuming to switch over to another platform. I'd love to be on Wordpress because it seems to have more plug-ins available and I like the commenting better than Blogger, but I have no desire to spend the money or take the time to move. Many sites will let you squat for free, or you can pay any number of hosting sites a small fee per year to have your own URL (I pay Go Daddy $10/year to not have @BlogSpot.com in my name). Research your hosting sites, too.

4. Decide what you're going to write about and how often you will post. . . What kind of a theme is your blog going to have? Parenting? Special needs? Grief? Humor? Political? Photography? Reviews? Weekly? Daily? Every MWF?

5.  . . .but be flexible. Just know that your blog will be fluid and change will be inevitable. It takes a while to get into your groove. I recently went through and deleted some of my earlier posts that were bombs (basically, that I read and wondered what I was thinking when I wrote them). Sometimes you have enough material to schedule in advance; sometimes life or writer's block gets in your way.

6. Spellcheck, proofread, and preview every post before you hit publish. While no one expects a blogger to be a Nobel Prize winning novelist, it does help if your posts are relatively error free and easy to read. This means no typos, no "texting"-type language, and a grasp of common grammar mistakes like your/you're and there/their/they're. It also helps to break up paragraphs into a few sentences each, and please, for the love of all that's holy, don't center your text, WRITE IN ALL CAPS, or write in color. Those aren't hard and fast rules, but they do make your blog look better and read easier.

7. Don't clutter your blog with so many ads, buttons, and badges that it's hard to see where your post begins. I should talk, right? Have a clear space for your blog post and a clear space for your ads and buttons. I'd suggest either a center placement, like mine, or a left placement, which makes sense to American readers. Frequently clean up your sidebars and eliminate anything that's out-of-date or no longer relevant.

8. Give some thought to SEO. What is SEO? It stands for Search Engine Optimization. It has to do with putting key words into your title and throughout your post so that your post is higher up on a search engine's list when people look for a particular topic. My highest viewed post is titled "How to Sleep Train a Toddler in 30 Easy Steps." It is actually a humorous look at how frustrating it is to put a toddler to sleep for the night, but I'm sure people are coming across it for very legitimate reasons. Note: People also like lists that are numbered or bulleted and easy to skim.

9. Find your voice and be true to yourself, while still considering your readers. As I said above in 4 & 5, know what you're going to write about, but realize that it takes time to develop your craft. Once you have found something that works, go with it; but don't be afraid to try something new. If you want to start featuring ads or writing sponsored posts, consider your audience. Do it in a way that they won't even notice that you're trying to sell them something. Anna of My Life and Kids is a pro at this. You're fully engrossed in one of her hilarious stories before you even realize that she is writing a sponsored post. It takes true talent!

10. Understand that not everyone reading your latest post is a long-time reader, so you may need to explain things, link back to a past post that explains your story, or have a top or side tab that explains what your blog is about. When I come across a new blog, the first thing I do is check out the tabs to find out more about the blogger. Make sure you have a tab titled "About" or "Me" or something under which your reader can find out more about you quickly. If they can't figure out who you are and what your story is, they are going to click away. I have a tab titled "Joey's Story" that explains what happened and directs them to a few key posts in his battle.

11. Decide how much you will divulge about yourself and your family. I have an About tab, which I update every now and then with pictures and information about my family. I don't give their real names, but I do write under my real name. Some bloggers, like JD of Honest Mom and Allison of Motherhood WTF, have done a great job of keeping their identities anonymous. It's work, and you have to consider all the angles - commenting on Facebook and the e-mail address through which your posts get mailed out to subscribers. It can be done.

12. If you're taking a "no holds barred" approach, get thick(er) skin. If you are going to post anything slightly controversial at all, the trolls will find you. And trust me, there are a lot of trolls on the WWW! Even if you are not posting anything controversial, people will still make crappy comments. Something about the anonymity of the Internet or something. Decide how you're going to handle it or even if you will handle it at all. I moderate my comments, so I don't have to publish the ones that are just plain mean. I also don't say everything I am thinking either because I hate controversy. A pro on handling Internet trolls is Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat.  She is a master of dealing with haters.

13. Get to know other bloggers. The best way to do this is find blogs you like that are similar to yours and comment consistently (check out this tutorial for easy-peasy advice on commenting from a mobile device). Join link-ups and share other bloggers' posts. Follow them on social media and interact with them. Don't see other bloggers as competition, but as allies. Build your tribe.

There are literally hundreds of other tips I could give, but in the interest of time, I won't. Blogger conferences are great sources of information, too. And a lot of it you figure out as you go along.

I hope I've given you something to think about. Good luck on your blogging journey!!


Hey, veteran bloggers, what other advice would you give new bloggers?






7.22.2013

This is How We Grieve

This past weekend, I was sitting on our back porch dehusking corn (is that even a thing?) and jumping up every once and a while to pull a few leaves off of Hubby's basil plant for a tomato dish he was making.

I suddenly became acutely aware of a bird chirping quite a bit more loudly than all of the others. I scanned the trees above me, and I spotted it: a robin sitting on a branch almost right above me. I could hear the other birds, but this was the only one I could see, and it was definitely the loudest.

For some reason, it made me think of Joey.

Joey was always the center of attention. If he wasn't, he did his darndest to make sure he was. That both delighted me and maddened me.

For some reason, I couldn't stop staring at this bird and listening to its chatter. I was mesmerized, and lonely for my sweet little boy.

Some people think that when they see butterflies or lady bugs or some other animal, it's a sign that their loved one is near. I'm not sure I believe that; although whenever I see a striped cat, I definitely watch it for a while.

I'd give anything to see my darling son again. Not sick Joey, but Joey before his diagnosis: happy, laughing, full of ideas and energy, lean, strong, and healthy.

And for a person like me who has so many vivid dreams every night, I've only dreamed about Joey 2 or 3 times since his death. I long to see him if even for a brief moment in my dreams.

A good friend sent me a message yesterday. Her son's best friend died in an accident Saturday night - just shy of 13 years old. She is beside herself, not knowing how to help her friend or what to say to her son.

And my heart is heavy because yet another family has to figure out how to move ahead while carrying the heavy burden of grief with them.

The thing is, we all grieve. We are all grieving something. I didn't realize this until I actually was grieving, and started to notice other people's pain because of my own pain: death, divorce, diagnosis. These and other life changing events can send us into a tail spin.

I want to give a voice to that grief. I want to be an outlet for people's stories of grief and pain. And I want those stories to provide inspiration and hope to others who are grieving.

I am starting a new series called Grief Stories~Inspiration, Hope, and Healing. It will be a series of posts contributed by other bloggers who will tell their stories of hope and healing through grief. I am excited to share these with you, as everyone has his or her own story which can inspire and heal others as well.

I'll be bringing you the first story next Thursday, August 1st. It is from Meredith, The Mom of the Year. She has contributed to kissing the frog in the past, and I'm excited to have her back.

Grief can do it's best to drag us down if we let it. But, it can also provide hope and healing if we can see it. Let's let people see that this is how we grieve.







3.25.2013

The Top Ten Reasons You Need "I Just Want to Pee Alone"

Hey, have you heard about this new book that is hitting the top of all the humor charts? It's called "I Just Want to Pee Alone," and it was written by some pretty amazing bloggers.




Many of these ladies I am proud to call my friends (in a totally non-internet stalkerish way, of course), whether I have been reading them for a year or I've just discovered them. Some are wonderful new finds, and I can't wait to check out their blogs.

There has been some backlash against "Mommy Bloggers," some people wondering why they had kids if they are going to complain about them all the time.

I think anyone who feels that way has not read this book or any of these ladies' blogs. They strive to come together as mommies more than to write a book that makes one feel alienated. These moms share experiences that many of us have had -whether it is about breastfeeding or feeling judged, not knowing we were pregnant or being embarrassed by our child calling us out publicly about something.

Here are ten of my favorite reasons you need this book:

10. Awkward periods.

9. Rogue toys.

8. Judgmental priests.

7. Flying first class with famous people.

6. Naked starfish.

5. Enormous knockers.

4. Folding laundry with corpses.

3. Soft serve poop gone wild.

2. Two vaginas.

1. Furry underwear.

If you want to find out what any of this is about, here are all the places you can order this book:

KINDLE - CLICK HERE.
AMAZON PAPERBACK BOOK DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR - CLICK HERE.
APPLE - Buy it at iTunes.
NOOK - B&N is taking its sweet time. In the meantime, you can get it from Smashwords. Just follow the instructions for NOOK. CLICK HERE.
KOBO AND SONY READER - CLICK HERE.

If you're not intrigued yet, check out this totally awesome review of the book, written by Steph of When Crazy Meets Exhaustion (seriously, she totally missed her calling as a book reviewer). A big thanks to her and her sources for all of the information and links provided above.

Drop some hints to your significant other - this would make a great little gift to fit into your Easter basket. Maybe your honey will even give you some time alone to read it.

It's a great book to read in the short spurts of time moms have - in the carpool lane, waiting at dance class, the part of the ball game that your child is not in, and yes, sitting on the toilet.

Trust me - you want this book. After you read it, share your thoughts with me on my Facebook page. I'd love to know what your favorite part is.



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